Swag Kelly Gets Arrested
Fare thee well, sweet swag. You were too beautiful for this game. Also too stupid.
Swag Kelly, a man of unlimited potential, has left us. The 2017 Mr. Irrelevant was anything but. He won his way into our hearts through sheer determination, grit, and meme-ability. At the very least the man who may be the greatest Chad of all out-performed Paxton “I was drafted in the first round” Lynch, who he now joins in unemployment. We were so close to finally seeing the swagger in action. Case Keenum has been but a lousy substitute for his Viking self, which is to be expected. Had the season continued within such disarray, our faithful time of his life haver Vance Joseph may have caved to the whims of our desires and started our Swagalicious.
Even the greatest among us have our falls, and precious Swaggy C fell victim to the most harsh of mistresses, the Halloween Party. Who among us has not dabbled in the fruits of our sweet mistress alcohol while dressed in ironic ways? Who among us has not been in a heated argument about what polo shirts are acceptable in the mall? Who among us have struggled to have their voices heard, to be ignored, and then sulked away to break into someone’s house instead? Let he among us without sin cast the first hail mary.
Should we condemn this man? Shall we mourn his loss? Now Swagadocious must wander the earth in search of meaning. Will his swagger return? Will we ever know? Swag Kelly, I commend thee. I commend thee for being you: a huge douchebag who gave us all extremely mild amusement. You have fulfilled your purpose. Get help.
Anyway Broncos if you need a QB we have this heavily used Eli. He checks down a lot but in that thin Denver atmosphere his weeny give up throws to the flat might go for more than 6 yards. Send us one Chris Harris and a two time champion is all yours.
Swaggy P now joins Sexy Rexy in that exclusive club of “Quarterbacks who will forever be Draw Play Meme’s”. Farewell you beautiful man. May your spot not be taken by Ryan Mallett, who forever seems to get these jobs.
Elway. If you’re ready this, please please please sign Hackenberg. Not because he’s any good, but because I want you to realise that as a GM, you have completely lost the ability to identify a good quarterback in your mould, and now need to pass that job onto someone else.
But dont sign Eli. We need him in the NFC East so the Eagles get 2 wins a year. With this years Superbowl Hangover, we need all the help we can get reaching the playoffs.
he should sign Hack as his new Quarterback Evaluator
It’s weird how not too long after Swaggy C was cut, The Broncos ownership basically imploded on itself….
Elway’s gotta be shaking in his hooves since he’s basically done nothing since Peyton left the barn, a new ownership (Or well new owner depending on how things shake out) might recognize his incompetence and send him to the glue factory.
If Elway trades Chris Harris & Demaryus Thomas before Tuesday, it will be his final act as GM. Its not as though that team can afford to lose any talent right now (I mean its not Cleveland bad, but its bad) and doing a Gruden will not alleviate the situation.
CHJ would be stupid, since Bradley Roby has shown that he’s not a great 2nd man (he is one of the best nickelbacks in football though, keep him there). DT, I at least understand, dude was dropping passes even on his best day, now he occasionally shines during games, but let’s face it, the two best WRs in Denver are Sanders and Cortland Sutton. I’d love to keep the dude, but if they want to free up cap space and get a good draft pick, then giving up DT is not going to destroy this team.
SPILLY SIGHTING
Dave, how badly do you think the Eagles are gonna beat the Jags this weekend? Given that Fournette isnt fit, the Eagles have a run defence (designed because, y’know , Zeke & Barkley) , and well … Bortles gotta Bort.
Even Jalen Mills’ cant screw this one up, right?
Jags by 30, never underestimate the power of London Blake Bortles
agree
Hey Dave, you forgot the P̶i̶t̶t̶ Butt pennant hanging on the wall
The Browns have a late model Tyrod they can send Denver. Low mileage and half off the $16M price tag. Call it a fourth and Hogan.
I just want to throw out one thing about Chad ‘the Swag’ Kelly: his mugshot.
https://twitter.com/BR_NFL/status/1054779101876232192
…what happened to his eyes? I mean, seriously, woah
http://observationdeck.io9.com/deck-off-day-3-challenge-and-day-2-winner-1516503733
Sorry, that was meant to be a link to this:
https://giphy.com/gifs/cocaine-rick-james-chappelle-show-L4TYWQn8rALRu?utm_source=media-link&utm_medium=landing&utm_campaign=Media%20Links&utm_term=
I’m just suprised there hasn’t been any big trades. The deadline is the 30th I’m pretty sure. There better be at least one big trade though. That’s what made last year somewhat exciting. Teams might just be holding on until the deadline trying to get offers or recieve better offers.
Snacks to Detroit? Apple to the Saints? Cooper to Dallas?
Do you think when the Saints first called, the Giants first thought they were talking about the other Eli?
Apple to New Orleans isnt so much a trade as a Mercy killing. When he disappears after a month, people will think it was for the best.