The Draw Play

I deliberately waited until mid-way through the season before I made the “Colts good, actually” comic. I didn’t want to jump the gun. I watched enough games to see if there were any real flaws. I didn’t want to jinx myself again by speaking too early. The nightmare Old Take Exposed. Here, in my own words:

“The point is, I wanted to make sure the Colts felt truly good before making this one. If they choke after this, you can blame me. But I think I’m safe.”

Whelp. Blame me, I guess. Fuck.

We can look at the Colts season through the lens of Christopher Nolan’s “The Prestige”. First, the Pledge. The Colts showed us a pile of shit. A late-season collapse last year, a disgusting QB battle between a presumed bust and a cast-off loser. A coach and GM on the hot seat. A dead owner. Stinky! We did not have high expectations. The fans did not have high expectations. Everyone can be forgiven for overlooking this team.

Then, the turn. The Colts game out of the gate and shoved us all in a locker. They blew up the scoreboards. Daniel Jones was playing the best football of his life. Jonathan Taylor was tearing up the grass. The defense was…doing its job. We were enraptured, seduced by the allure of what we never expected to see. And when the magician has you enthralled, wrapped around their finger, that’s when they pull the rug.

The Prestige. The Colts sold out two firsts for Sauce Gardner to go all in. But then they started to struggle. Daniel Jones broke his leg, then shredded his other leg. Anthony Richardson hurt his eye in a freak gym accident. Other injuries piled up. The team was relying on goddamn former player and current grandpa Philip Rivers. Suddenly, the Jaguars controlled the division. Even more suddenly, the Colts were out of the playoffs altogether. A 99% chance of making it at 8-2, now reduced to a season that may not even end up over .500.

Now we sit here amazed that we were so easily fooled. The Colts themselves lie in a position that may be even worse than before the season started.

A look at the schedule shows the Colts were probably frauds the whole time. Despite a win over the Broncos and the hobbled Chargers, every other opponent they beat is bad to mid. The Cardinals. The Titans. The Falcons. The Raiders. The Dolphins. The schedule was frontloaded with babies and backloaded with big boys the Colts simply couldn’t handle. The Steelers and Rams kicked them a bit to start, but then the Chiefs, Texans, Jaguars, 49ers, and Seahawks all caved in their skull. Losing Daniel Jones obviously hurt this team but I think they are probably exposed either way. And now, it’s even worse, because GM Chris Ballard shipped their next two first-rounders off to the Jets for Sauce.

The reality is the Colts are the same team as last year: mid as fuck. They can beat the bottom feeders but they aren’t constructed well enough to genuinely compete. But it gets worse. Unlike the beginning of the year when it felt like the team was headed for a house-cleaning rebuild, now they are in that middle-tier purgatory. Do you fire the coach and GM that got you off to a hot start? Do you re-sign Daniel Jones to a longer-term, expensive contract, as he comes off an Achilles tear or let the best QB you’ve had in years walk and try again with Sleepy Anthony? Can you fire GM Chris Ballard when he already shipped your firsts off to the Jets? I assumed that the team would clean house to begin the year primarily because Irsay was dead and his daughter would probably try to start her new era. Now that the season has played out the way it has, that’s probably the Colts best chance to move forward. Starting over. If they lose to the Texans this weekend (likely, as Houston has something to play for and the Colts are starting Riley Leonard), I’d wager we see some empty chairs come Monday.

Also…sorry Phil. I hope you had fun for those 3 losses. Ringless Rivers Remains.