When Antonio Brown got traded to the Raiders I basked in the glory of the expected PUPPETMASTER defense. I saw not a tiny amount of fans gleefully rationalizing the drama Brown caused as calculated and purposeful so that he could tank his value and get what he wanted. Brown wasn’t a dramatic nincompoop, he was actually a genius who understood how to perfectly manipulate the system! He played us all! The Madman made us the fools in the end!

Puppetmaster arguments are always bullshit.

They operate under the same flawed logic that most conspiracy theories do: that things aren’t so simple and there has to be more going on, so lets come up with a plausible sounding answer that actually falls apart the instant you think about it, but it sounds good and can’t really be disproven so people buy it. The answer to what Antonio Brown happens to be is exactly what it looks like. He’s a dramatic nincompoop. Antonio Brown is greedy. He’s demonstrated at multiple points how greedy he is. He wants what he wants. He’s kind of a petulant baby. He got out of Pittsburgh because he successfully threw a big enough temper tantrum. The Raiders did not get some secret genius to join their team. They got the same dramatic nincompoop. The helmet nonsense is just his latest nincompoopery.

Side note: why don’t we use nincompoop as an insult anymore? It’s such a good word. Bring back Nincompoop.

Obviously the media has played a role in making everything worse, but that’s how sports media operates a lot of the time. Once it smells blood, it wants to help splatter that blood everywhere. I have no doubt Antonio Brown would have been the same dramatic nincompoop about his stupid helmet regardless of whether the media noticed this story, but because the media is already watching Brown like vultures because he’s a dramatic nincompoop, it just made things worse.

That’s why I imagine that none of the other players who have to switch helmets (like media firestorm TOM BRADY) are even getting much press about it. Brown made a stink. Today at practice he apparently wore a new helmet, so the drama may have even ended. For now. I don’t see this pairing working very long. I imagine he’ll be disgruntled by midseason. I can’t wait.

Steelers fans have to be laughing their asses off right now though.