Of course everyone is gonna be talking about the NBA finals today but that game ended like a big wet fart and I wanna talk Hockey cuz it rules.

Gotta say, it must be cathartic as hell for St. Louis. Not only do they shake off the big drought and finally win the cup, they do it after entering 2019 in dead last place. They do it in game 7, against Boston. They defeated Boston a few months after the Rams, the team that scorned them, lost to Boston in the Super Bowl. That has got to feel good. Really happy for the Blues.

I thought they had jinxed themselves too after accidentally running the “CONGRATS BLUES” advertisements in the paper after they lost game 6. That’s classic jinx shit right there. It was begging to end up on freezing cold takes. But they did it! In absolutely commanding fashion, too. Boston only scored one goal and it was basically garbage time at that point. The Blues can finally hold their heads up high. Outside the Patriots, it has already been a stupendous year for new teams winning championships. I love that. Teams celebrating their first ever championship is a wonderful thing to witness.

Boston has won a championship in one of the 4 big sports 11 different years since the Patriots first win in 2001. That’s frankly absurd. The Bruins are easily the most likeable of that bunch, but mostly because they are the least successful overall. The Patriots are scum, the Red Sox are scum, and the Celtics, despite just one championship this millennium, are still somehow in the running for just as scum. I honestly had nothing against the Bruins. I like their uniforms. But I will always root against Boston and I will always, always, support the ring-less underdog.

I would actually greatly enjoy watching Tom Brady get smashed into the glass.

Good job Blues. Also good for you, Raptors. Just a good week for sports. Now I’m stuck back in hell. How are the Orioles doing?



oh god