I’m still ill, and on top of that Oregon is burning to the ground and I might have to evacuate if things don’t improve soon, so what I’m saying is there is a chance my last comic alive is about Odell Beckham Jr. enjoying getting pooped on and I’m at peace with that.

This story got little traction outside twitter, because it probably isn’t even true, but man, I couldn’t pass this one up. According to an instagram model on a podcast, Beckham’s fetish is feces. He’s a Scatman, but not in the fun 90’s Jazzman Techno fusion way, the poop way. He’s a big fan of the ol’ Cleveland Steamer. He’s a #2 receiver. Insert your poop joke of choice here, there are a lot to choose from.

I like to believe that the story didn’t get more traction because the media at large decided not to kinkshame but it probably didn’t get a lot of notice because it seems kinda weak at best. All we have to go on is the word of a random model who goes by Slim Danger. Not exactly the Washington Post level of investigative journalism here. No other reports or rumors I could find, just mostly memes and jokes. But the jokes were gold.

Then again, I sometimes think back to a couple seasons ago when that video dropped of Odell at a party of some sort on the bed with some ladies eating pizza, clearly high, with some sort of drugs visible at one point. I thought that was going to explode and as he was a Giant at the time, had to brace myself for the next round of Odell media bullshit. It never came. Maybe Odell got some hush money hustle and knows how to keep the shit under wraps. It’s probably not this, but poop is funny and the concept of Odell frantically paying people off to not let it get out that he likes getting pooped on is funny.

Honestly, if the dude likes being the fan that the shit hits, may as well own it. Whatever gets your rocks off, my dude. Just make sure it’s consensual, as hygienic as possible, and courteous to anyone else who might smell it.

Oh and I guess welcome back football