Dez Bryant Week 3: Dez Eats Taco bell
Comic #3 for Dez Bryant Pun Week!
I have a friend who eats too much Taco Bell. He likes to talk about how much Taco Bell he eats. I know he’ll read this and I know he will feel no shame. He should feel shame. Taco bell is shame. Damnit Steve take better care of yourself and this is coming from a man eating ice cream, right now, at 11:30, as I type with sticky fingers. (The perks of living like a slob when the Fiancee is out of town)
I never really got into Taco Bell as a thing. Not even as cheap college late night munchie food. Taco Bell food tastes like cardboard. There is no actual foodMost fast food Mexican joints taste like cardboard. I had a friend take me to a place called Mighty Taco when I lived in upstate New York. Got a lot of hype from her about it. It tasted like cardboard too, and I couldn’t tell the difference between Mighty Taco and, you guessed it, Taco bell. Out here in Portland I see a place called Taco Time and I’m simply not going to go because I know what it will taste like. It will taste like cardboard. There will be little no meat in the taco. The taco will be stale. I will be sad. Chipotle is good though, outside the whole e-coli thing. Although when I eat Chipotle it’s like losing your soul. First bite is the best thing you’ve ever tasted. The last bite is you wishing for death.
Also, Hard Tacos > Soft Tacos. Soft Tacos are just lamer versions of burritos and at that point you might as well order a burrito because burritos rule. Hard Tacos are messy but they taste way better. Burritos are the bomb and better than both. Burrito bowls are also adequate because you can balance eat bite unlike a normal burrito where you might get one bite of mostly rice and sour cream and then you’re unhappy because goddamnit you wanted some of that sweet barbacoa, and you can’t figure out what corner of the burrito the meat is tucked into.
Enchiladas are the best. And Salsa Verde > Red Salsa. Fight me.
LISTEN TO MY NEW PODCAST, EPISODE 7 ALREADY
Pez Bryant for Prez 2016
Also, enchiladas are the good, but menudo is the best mexican food. That or gorditas
For the podcast (when you said it would be cool for the Raiders to be a traveling team), arena football used to have a traveling team, the Houston ThunderBears, who were a roaming team in 2000 and 2001 because they didn’t pay the rent to use the Houston arena (place where the Rockets play)
Just a suggestion: please don’t release the podcast at night. That is if it is possible
I upload it at night but I “link” everybody in the morning. Not my fault you listen to it too early.
Dave, up here even jokingly calling Mighty Taco on par with Taco Bell is blasphemy and grounds for excommunication.
(BTW I can think of no better late night snack than a Super Mighty with everything, a Nacho Buffito, and a loganberry)
Holy shit. I thought Taco Bell just made shit up. Those are barely words.
Haha. Dave did a comic on here a while back about an employee at Nike who intensely stares at the Browns’ helmet in Photoshop, changes the color slightly and wins employee of the month.
I’d imagine the same is true of Taco Bell. An employee intensely stares at a list of Mexican food names, merges two of them together, and bam. Employee of the month.
It is Taco Bell though. You guys are in denial. I found absolutely zero difference in the food.
Maybe it’s because I grew up on the stuff, but I see a huge difference between Mighty and Taco Bell, and I’ll take Mighty any day
More of these late night ice cream fuelled, punctuation-light, sentence structure-light, stream-of-consciousness ramblings please.
Like my arena football things
Exactamundo.
Pez would make a killer running back. He could use BOTH arms to stiff arm defenders while he holds the ball in his neck.
In my city in the Midwest we have a shitty fast food place called Amigos. They have mexican food and they also sell burgers and stuff. They sell a disgusting tortilla wrapped around nothing but cheese. They call it a Cheesie. Something about the name of it pisses me off to no end. Little to no actual thought was put into the name.
We also have a 24 hour mexican restaurant owned by a local mexican family that is the greatest. They have big breakfast burritos 24 hours a day, plus a thing called “super fries” which are fries with carne asada, shredded cheese, guac, pico, and sour cream. $8 and it can feed a normal person twice, or a normal fatty once.
This place is so good that they’ve basically run every other place out of town. They have 6 locations, and we only have maybe 3 Taco Bells.
Pez wouldn’t have dropped it
Don’t forget to feed the sherpa man!
Low key disappointed that Pez can talk
man the offseason blows
Pez’s neck flexibility could probably save him from a lot of concussions. Pez should play football.
Also Taco Bell has been my crutch since senior year of high school and is probably one of the things standing between me and getting down to my high school weight.
The return of Bug-Eyed Dez! Yay!
It’s moments like this where I am so grateful to live in Southern California and to come from a hispanic background, because I know Mexican food can be good.
Haha seriously. It’s funny watching someone who has never lived in places with real Mexican food go on a rant about it. Poor guy has no idea what he’s missing out on
After further review, the pass is INCOMPLETE
kinda disappointed Pez isn’t doing the Dez arm-cross touchdown celebration
Dave, and I say this with love as a white kid who grew up in suburban Ohio, but Dave that is the single whitest thing I have read ever. Seriously. That post is gonna grow lips and tell me about how it builds model ships in its down time as a tax accountant. That post is going to put mayonnaise on a cracker. That post is gonna start a one way conversation on an airplane about greens fees. That post watched a full episode of Wonder Woman. That post speculates on commercial properties in Fresno. Damn. Damn, man.
Clearly someone has never lived around actual Mexican food. Try visiting the Southwest sometime, and get a load of what REAL Mexican food tastes like. Chipotle, while delicious, does NOT count. 😀
Chipotle Pro Tip: ask them to mix your burrito before folding it, helps to even out the goodness of each bite.
Irony: insisting the most REAL Mexican food is found within the United States of America.
Get yourself some REAL Mexican food: go to actual Mexico. It’s not that expensive. I’m not talking about super-tourist locations like Acapulco or Puerto Vallarta, either. Go to Mexico City, or Guadalajara, something like that, and eat some goddamn good Mexican food.
You… you mean Donald Trump is wrong?
Dude, you need to eat a real taco. Hard tacos are not real tacos. I feel a little sorry for you, actually. Come to LA, stop at any taco truck, ask for Al Pastor, be amazed.
Taco time isnt that bad. I live in washington and I eat there all the time. The food tastes fresher than taco bell and the mexi fries (otherwise known as tater tots) are pretty good. You should try it.