What the fuck, Bills. The Colts aren’t an easy out by any stretch this year but in Buffalo? In bad weather against a dome team? The Patriots are now officially in first place after the Bills are 2-3 over the last 5 games. All that hype last year bleeding into this year, and they are letting it just slip by them. This was supposed to be their division now. The Patriots were rebuilding and should be a wildcard at best. Now the Bills are in genuine danger of slipping away. What on earth is happening in Buffalo right now?

Since I had to spend the day in bed reading due to my migraine I didn’t actually watch much football. I saw the Patriots demolish the Falcons and the Giants shit the bed as expected, but you fine folks might have to explain the other results to me as I just sorta browsed highlights. Not that my judgments mean much anymore. I’m doing far worse than last year on picks, and the problem is absolutely the chaos that is in the league right now. The Cowboys lost! The Vikings won! The Eagles and TEAM are on winning streaks! The Titans lost to…THE TEXANS? The Raiders are on a 3 game skid and no longer look good.

I tried to reverse jinx the Saints to beat the Eagles and then that ends up being the game I get right. I am 2-8 on the Saints this season. 3-7 for the Panthers. The Texans, Dolphins, Colts, Bears, and Patriots are my best records at 8-2.



The Lions are gonna win a game and it might be this one but I can’t pick them yet
If the Lions win, I will draw Dan Campbell eating a turkey’s kneecaps

The Raiders suck now. The Giants broke them. That happens to teams.
If the Raiders win, I will draw Derek Carr flying a turkey through the sky

Picking the Saints because I want the Bills back on track
If the Bills win, I will draw Josh Allen dumping buffalo sauce on his turkey

Steelers have stumbled lately, Bengals looked good. Going Bengals.
If the Steelers win, I will draw Pennsylvania shoving Ohio in a locker

Panthers aren’t good, Dolphins are probably worse. Enjoying the Cam encore.
If the Dolphins win, I will draw a Dolphin making Cam leap through hoops

The Eagles seem to be quietly coming together somewhat this year against all odds. The Giants are the Giants.
If the Giants win, I will draw the empire state building peeing on the liberty bell

If the gods of chaos are truly with us, the Patriots shall lose this game. But you can’t predict chaos and the Pats are rolling.
If the Titans win, I will draw Mike Vrabel splattering Mac Jones with his Nissan Titan

Gross. I guess Falcons.
If the Jags win, I will draw Urban Meyer grinding the state of Georgia

This feels harder to call than it should be, but I guess Bucs.
If the Colts win, I will draw Centaur Carson Wentz

Gross! Even grosser than Falcons Jags. Who made this matchup?
If the Texans win, I will draw Jack Easterby riding a bull

The Chargers reluctantly have my faith once more. But I’m watching you, Chargers. Don’t fuck this up.
If the Broncos win, I will draw a Ford Bronco beating up a Dodge Charger

Changing this pick because I read the schedule wrong and thought the Vikings were at home. 49ers should win.
If the Vikings win, I will draw Kirk Cousins with an ass like a mack truck

Massive game! Both teams are fighting for the top seed and both have recently faltered. I’m liking the Packers due to Stafford never doing well in Lambeau
If the Rams win, I will draw Stafford and his wife pelting Rodgers with pretzels

The Ravens are missing half their team on any given week and still keep winning.
If the Browns win, I will draw hospital Baker beating up a hospital Raven with his crutches

The Seahawks weren’t just bad without Russ. They are just plain bad. This is a bad football team. The other football team is mediocre.
If the Seahawks win, I will draw the Space Needle using a guillotine on the Washington Monument

I’m not in love with my bets this week so if you have any good ideas, throw ’em my way. This will be the only post this week, I think my migraine was related to a bit of burnout so I will be taking the holiday week to rest.

EDIT: LOL GARRETT GOT FIRED. Shuffling the deck chairs on the Titanic