It is now mandatory to put ketchup on all meat in Kansas City. Sorry, that’s just how it works now. (As a Carolina BBQ stan, I’m sorry but hahahahaha)

THE CHIEFS DID IT! THEY DID IT! I am so happy for the big red walrus. After 2 decades it feels great to see him finally get his due, and watching him during the immediate celebration you could tell he was finally letting some emotions free. I always kinda liked the walrus even when he was coaching Philly to consecutive playoff contention. He’s a big happy guy and I have to respect him. They have no choice but to put him in Canton now and it is well deserved.

Man for 3 quarters I felt like a genius for calling that game right. It pretty much went exactly as I was expecting for 50 minutes. It was a little closer than I would have anticipated (I underestimated the Chiefs defense tbh) but I felt like the Niners D-line was just going to be too much for Mahomes to handle for 4 quarters. It was for at least most of those quarters. Mahomes looked like straight garbage at times. His throws were off target and kept getting worse as the game wore on and he took more hits. His first INT was an absolutely terrible decision as he tried to force a play. His second was a tipped pass, but it was an inaccurate ball and the inaccuracy can easily be considered the reason it was tipped. Mahomes just couldn’t get it going until the end. Maybe the defense got just a bit tired by the end of the game. It is a testament to Pat that he stuck with it and beat this pass-rush. I think any immobile QB (Brady types) would have been knocked out early.

Then that one 3rd and 14 conversion deep to hill and suddenly the game took on a different vibe. I was in a 49ers bar, my usual football social haunt, and I felt the place get nervous. Make no mistake to this, I think the 49ers blew it. Credit to the Chiefs for never being down or out and they deserved to win, but I still feel like the 49ers had it. Then Kyle Shanahan went and made himself into my new favorite media narrative!

It almost felt like Shanahan was personally offended that so many people criticized his play calling in the Atlanta chokejob, and went out there to desperately prove that his playcalling wasn’t at fault but Matt Ryan was or something, and that he’d call more pass plays to ice the game and prove he was right all along…this time. And we got the same result instead. Jimmy played like ass (again credit to Spags and the Chiefs defense too) and this game coming down to the QB skills of Jimmy G vs Pat Mahomes was never, ever, going to end in Jimmy’s favor. One of the best running teams all year, and they made Jimmy throw it a bunch even when they had the lead. 49ers you deserved this. Man I can’t even go into the spineless cowardice that was the time management by Shanahan before the half. The Chiefs played to win all game, even when things looked grim. Loved those 4th down calls.

A lot of factors go into who wins a game. Kyle Shanahan is not remotely the only one at fault. But he has to wear the time management badge of shame forever now. He will only shake that shame if he makes another SB and this time RUNS THE DAMN BALL WITH THE LEAD and doesn’t fuck it up being cute. I am personally thrilled to enjoy this meme for years to come.

-I’m sorry nothing got put up for Monday, I was quite amped and drunk all night and in no state to work
-The commercials get worse every year. Fuck Baby Nut, fuck how brands are just showing up in other ads, fuck every ad just being “Here’s a celebrity being wacky!” or a terrible attempt to be random and go viral. They all sucked. Super Bowl ads aren’t fun anymore and we should stop giving them credit.
-The halftime show, from what I saw of it (I always play parking lot catch during the show), looked pretty good. Prudes seem mad that it was too sexy. Thanks prudes, now we have to go another 5 years watching old dudes perform instead.
-I will admit the Tom Brady Hulu ad bamboozled me. Well played, Hulu, well played.
-The referees largely did an alright job. It might have been my surroundings, but it did genuinely feel to me like the Chiefs got the calls and the 49ers didn’t. The OPI before half was pretty weak and there was one Chiefs offsides that somehow didn’t get noticed at all, but generally I think the game was won on merit and not being rigged. I am currently enjoying the usual flood of bitter fans screaming the opposite right now. Always a favorite post-SB tradition.
-Super happy for Andy, Pat, Spags, the fans, Honey Badger, and all the players not named Tyreek Hill, Frank Clark, or Terrell Suggs
-Super bummed out for Joe Staley
-Hahaha Nick Bosa
-Laughing at Richard Sherman and Wes Welker, especially Welker, now 0-4. He’s a curse. I should do a comic about that.
-Give me more boy band twirls on 4th down plays
-Maybe it was because my 49er crew is older and mostly gen-x, maybe it is because the recent SB loss to the Ravens is still fairly fresh, maybe it was because the 49ers were kinda playing with house money after being so bad last season, but the fans I was with didn’t seem as defeated as the last loss, even with this one being arguably worse. My 49er fan friends all seemed pretty happy that they were even there. It was a far cry from the WE HAVE RETURNED TO OUR THRONE from last time. Humility! It does a fanbase good. All the tech-bros who bandwagoned on this season though can eat shit.
-Love it when fans of the winner automatically start calling DYNASTY! The Patriots have broken people’s expectations. I should do a comic about that.
-Not the greatest SB, but honestly a great game. A million times more watchable than that slog last season.

-Congrats Chiefs!