I mean, I don’t see any evidence to say this wasn’t the case. Chiefs? Corona? Covid? They all start with the letter C. Maybe a Chiefs fan decided to watch the world burn. They might have won the final super bowl for all we know. Hell, if I’m going to go down in flames, I’d want to go down in flames on top. Stop blaming China. Blame Missouri.

You could argue that if making a deal with the devil to let the world burn for a championship would have happened years ago due to a Browns fan gladly requesting that, but I’m not sure. Demons enjoy suffering, and leaving Cleveland/Detroit/Buffalo/ etc in a state of suffering would be more entertaining. Chiefs fans? They’ve been a different sort of suffering. Also, they can get sweet BBQ if the whole football thing doesn’t work out. Cleveland doesn’t have a food. What does Cleveland even have? I guess the Cleveland Clinic? The Rock and Roll hall of fame? Rock music is dead now. The Christmas Story house? Cleveland has people from Cleveland who insist it isn’t that bad. You’ll find this brand of person in every mid-market city with a depressed reputation. “Come on, Buffalo isn’t that bad, I’ve lived here all my life and I love it!” I visited Winnipeg once. Every single local went out of their way to defend it. Let me tell you something: Winnipeg sucks. I at least got trashed and had my most drunken escapades ever in Cleveland. In Winnipeg you couldn’t go out at night because you’d freeze to death or you’d be stripped to the bone in minutes by the worst mosquitoes I have ever seen. Fuck Winnipeg.

This blog post has gotten away from me. Fuck it, let’s just stay on this topic. We’re all quarantined and unable to leave the house. What place have you visited that you’d rather die in quarantine than visit again? Fucking Winnipeg. It had horrible road conditions, the worst case of mosquitoes I have ever seen, and it was in a big flat plain with no scenery. Look at this midwestern nothing of a skyline. It has the Canadian Museum of Human Rights in it because it has to go out of it’s way to remind the residents of Winnipeg that life is worth living. The whole city flooded recently. The best sports team is the Jets, who got pretty far in the playoffs like 2 years ago I guess. The Blue Bombers apparently won the title last year? Shows how important that was. But let’s circle back to the mosquitoes. In roughly ten minutes outside one evening, I got roughly 65% of my lifetime total mosquito bites by vile swarms of bugs the size of nickles. It was viscerally disgusting and for that reason alone I will never go back. I was there as a guest and didn’t even have to pay for my trip or most of my food and I still have zero desire to go back. At least the people I met were nice.

Congrats on winning the last ever super bowl, Chiefs