The Draw Play

This is one of those ideas I’ve had kicking around for a while, saved for a slow day. Really, it doesn’t even have to be about Cowherd, just insert your most hated sports personality. For me, it’s Cowherd. I hate Colin Cowherd.

For some reason out of every talking head at ESPN, I hate him the most. Nobody else really bothers me. Skip Bayless? Skip is a troll. He’s paid to stir up people and spout silly opinions. I don’t know how anyone takes him seriously, just watch the damn dude on first take. He knows exactly how dumb he sounds, he’s paid to sound that dumb. I actually kind of respect that, he knows he’ll get the hate and he just laps it up. You gotta respect a man who knows what people will think and is perfectly okay with it. Stephen A. Smith? I think he’s worse and I find what he says pretty bad at times, but I still think he’s more or less the same thing as Bayless, he just takes it too far sometimes. But when I watch Bayless and Smith on first take I usually just laugh. It’s so painfully obvious the entire show is “Pick hot button issue, and these two tards will choose opposite sides of the issue and argue from the most extreme points”. It’s hilariously transparent and becomes actually semi-entertaining. Florio? He sucks harder than a vacuum in space but despite all his crap he can at least break a story quickly. Peter King? He’s a big fat dumb but he seems like a decent person at least.

But Cowherd…ugh. He’s effectively the same thing, he gets paid because he can stir up crap, piss people off, and talk for hours about whatever. He’s effective at getting people mad and filling airtime. But I guess his particular way about it just gets to me. I don’t listen to him with any regularity. Occasionally I have to drive somewhere in the morning during his show, and if I don’t have a CD in, he’s on, and there aren’t any good radio stations in the area that play music I like so I’m stuck with sports talk. Every time it happens, I just get so irritated. He flip flops and turns face with his opinions constantly, but that’s nothing new or original to him. They all do that. It’s part of being a sports talker, and it’s okay to change opinions once in a while, people get too self righteous about someone in the media daring to change their mind. But it’s one thing in particular that he does that is so utterly condescending and infuriating. He takes callers pretty frequently, and he treats them like shit. He cuts them off, he refuses to have any sort of discourse with them, he just lets them get their initial point out and then he cuts them off and starts crapping all over them without giving them any chance to argue or further explain their point. Go to hell, Cowherd, you are on air for hours every day, you can actually try to give a guest a fair shot. You’re willing to sit back and suck the dick of any actual sports figure that calls in, but random caller? Nah, you get two sentences then I crap all over you. I hope a stampeding herd tramples you, you jerk. But it’s not even the call cutting I hate, it’s this particular phrase he likes to use. Paraphrased here:

“That’s my opinion If you don’t like it get your own show”

GO F*** YOURSELF YOU CONDESCENDING PROLAPSED COLON

Like it’s just that easy to “get your own show”. I’m lucky in that I have a platform here to spout my opinions, like my opinion that Colin Cowherd should base jump into a storm drain. But this site takes a lot of time and effort and dedication. Time, effort and dedication most fans don’t have the luxury of having. Maybe because their job keeps them busy, or their families. Plus, nobody is paying me tons of dollars for this site, I’m pretty much a one man show. I haven’t had years of time to hone my opinion spouting skills in the system, and the system I’m coming up in isn’t the same system that you moved up through. The internet is a different world. You’re old guard, Colin. You’re protected by tenure and your ability to keep people mad enough to tune in. You also didn’t just “get a show”. You worked your way up through the system for years and have reached a point where you are safe to sit on your perch and be a douche. Just because getting your opinion out there is easier than it’s ever been doesn’t make it easy. Setting up your own thing is the easy part. Sticking with it, that’s what’s hard. Getting heard, that’s what’s hard. It’s taken me three long years to get a tiny, tiny subset of people to care what I think. It’s not so simple.

A lot of these people who listen to these radio shows like yours, it’s probably their only real outlet besides their friends, and friends usually agree with one another. The type of person to call in usually doesn’t have an outlet, that’s why they call in. It’s the one time of day they can think and talk about sports. Callers want to talk, Colin. They want to chat. You don’t have to keep them on the line for 20 minutes but you can at least let them try to defend their point once you start dumping all over them. Some people only get a chance to get a say in comment sections or call ins, don’t dump on people for that, you don’ t know their lives. You turd. And if you do have to let them go to save space for the more important guests, don’t be a condescending dick about it.

To anyone who reads this: don’t listen to this knob. He stays on the air because he gets people like you and me angry. But he lives and dies by the viewers he views so lowly, so don’t listen to him. Make him that guy in the office with bad opinions. You know, that friend who has terrible opinions about everything. That when he starts to talk people find things to do so they can get out of the conversation. That guy. Colin is that guy, but he gets paid and has an audience, so he thinks his opinions are somehow more important than your or mine. They are opinions. All opinions are the same. They are only given value by the listener. Cowherd should do well to remember that.

Maybe one day I’ll be successful enough to get paid lots of money to talk sports and get some nobody to talk s*** about me on their little blog.