The Texans Fire Their GM
I had a bunch of requests for this during the summer and when I asked for ideas, so I hope this was worth the wait. It really is a situation dumb enough to get a comic for it, lest we forget it down the line.
So to anyone who missed this nonsense, which wasn’t hard as it didn’t seem as visible as I would have expected (then again I was in the middle of house-hunting stress at the time), let’s recap the basics.
-The Texans hire Brian Gaine last season to be their new General Manager.
-The Texans fire Brian Gaine after the 2019 draft, basically after 1 season as GM. An unusually short period of time for a GM to be employed. It is not clear why Gaine ended up fired, as nothing he did seemed particularly awful.
-The Texans appear to be going after New England Patriots director of player personnel Nick Caserio to be the new GM.
-Nick Caserio ends up having a clause in his contract that forbids him from being interviewed by other teams.
-The Patriots, in response to the Texans interest, file tampering charges.
-The Texans back down, the Patriots pull the charges, and the Texans are now just kinda without a general manager.
Way to really fuck that one up, Houston. Now you don’t have a GM for the season because you were too dumb to see if you could actually hire the guy you jettisoned your last GM for. Maybe you can find someone available. I hear Jerry Reese is still looking. We’ll happily give you David Gettleman in the meantime.
Comic fun fact: I had this one halfway drawn with Bob McNair instead of his son Cal McNair because I just straight up forgot Bob McNair died last season. lol
Richard Seymour placed 131 at the WSOP
in the money, I was hoping he’d make the final table
Colts HQ is a giant guitar. I could go other directions with it, but Irsay seems to have overcome his demons and kicked his addictions. That or he transformed it into a giant Catan board for our boy Andrew.
I’m still thinking whiskey bottle. Or Irsay’s drink of choice, whatever it may be. Probably disguised (very poorly) as a giant guitar or barn or !!!!!! Peyton Manning’s forehead!!!!!.
Wouldn’t a guitar make more sense for Tennessee? Because Music City
The Ram’s HQ is a U-Haul.
Cleveland’s is a defaced memorial to Paul Brown.
The Raven’s is a Writing Desk.
Miami’s is an algae-laden fish bowl.
The Chief’s is a ribs joint on top of an Indian Burial Ground.
Indianapolis’s is a massage parlor.
Shouldn’t that be the Patriots’ HQ?
Packers is a big block of cheese, naturally.
When I worked for them, Bob McNair was in the building every day, and even ate lunch in the team cafeteria with the players, coaches, front office, and operations personnel most days. I don’t think I saw Cal McNair once.
That’s a cool story. Shows how in touch the some of the old school owners were.
Bob McNair was a racist douchebag that was in touch with his team. But an awful human.
A rich old white guy in Texas was a racist? I think that’s almost stereotyping….also Bud Adams was pretty much the same I think.
I mean it’s not stereotyping if more often than not it’s accurate.
Bills HQ is a giant buffalo wing on top of Niagara Falls.
Where’s the soon-to-be-body-slammed table go?
On the Maid of the Mist at the bottom of the Falls. Leads to a more exciting table-breaking experience.
Why do they call him Frank?
It appears the Texans are going to go without a GM until next year, or until they are allowed to hire Caserio I suppose. Which is asinine, but undoubtedly entertainingly asinine.
Cal McNair’s mustache looks glued on. Not in this comic, in real life.
As a Texans fan, I know this situation is even stupider than presented in this comic with the whole Easterby possibly tampering at the Pats ring ceremony the day before Gaine was fired, but this comic sums up the whole clusterfuck nicely.
Seahawks’ HQ: giant 12
Lions’ HQ: one of Ford’s failed vehicles (Edsel? Pinto?)
An Edsel rear-ending a Pinto?
You could have drawn Bill O’Brien as I am pretty sure this is another power struggle inexplicably won by that bum of a coach.
Supposedly there were some racism issues with Gaine that may have accelerated his unemployment. https://deadspin.com/ex-texans-employee-claims-fired-gm-brian-gaine-targete-1835497836
Huh yeah that’d do it. Looks like the official statement is that the discrimination claims aren’t related and the real reason is that he was “falsifying payroll and overtime records”. So either they fired him because he was racist, or they fired him because he wasn’t paying his employees. Either is… quite sensible on the part of the team, frankly.
1) Caserio needs to be drawn with scarier bugeyes.
2) Could NE have been setting up HOU? Caserio has to know he had a no-interview clause, so why didn’t he just tell Easterby that when Easterby tried to chat him up at the ring ceremony?
I hear Ray Farmer is available 🙂
There’s always necromancy.
The Vikings HQ is either a giant horn or a statue of Fran Tarkenton choking.
I can’t believe no one has yet suggested that the Patriots HQ is a building with between five and eight wings extending from an area at the center.
I don’t get it.
*
You’re dumb as fuck.
These are the kind of comments that really make it all worth it
If only there were a like button…
Sometimes you can poach some comments from Youtube comments section and pass them off as your own in Yahoo Answers as questions. You can hide behind the anon tag and there you go.