You ever wonder where the name of gym terms comes from? Some are obvious. A push up? A pull up? Yeah, obvious. An Arnold Press? I’m gonna take a swing in the dark here and guess it has to do with the former star of Kindergarten Cop. But Deadlifts? Romanian deadlifts? Why is Romania doing their own deadlifts? If Lichtenstein starts doing deadlifts with two dumbbells or like, by sticking out an arm or something, do we have to start calling that the Deadlicht? Gym terms are usually pretty straightforward but there is some weird shit in there. Why do we call them barbells? It’s a bar, sure. It’s not a bell. Also, why is the tiny version a dumbell? Why do we call pulling a bar off the ground to the shoulders a clean? The first time my trainer told me we were gonna learn how to clean I thought I was about to get suckered into doing janitorial work at my gym.

I also find it kind of funny we call them squats when the actual exercise part really isn’t the squatting, but the act of trying to get the fuck back out of the squat. I wish more exercises had cool names, like Skullcrushers. It’s hard not to feel a little intimidated learning how to do something called a Skullcrusher. What if we made every move a death metal band? Bench Press? Sternum Stunters. Squats? Atlas Shoves. Facepulls? Lat Burners. Kettlebells? Bonestompers. Landmines? Actually, landmines are pretty good already. Frankly, Deadlift is pretty cool too. I’m sure there are legitimate reasons for all these terms but I’ve never bothered to look them up, that would make me a nerd.

Anyway I’m having a de-load week so unless Eddie Hall breaks a strict press record or something don’t expect any comics next week. Also, what’s everyone’s favorite way to make protein shakes taste good? I’m still working it out and I’m kinda convinced every trainer is just lying to me when they say they love theirs.

EDIT: the de-load week thing wasn’t part of the joke. I gotta start working on the draft cards now so expect fewer comics this month overall, usually only if something big happens.