Soccer Rules!
Apr01
on April 1, 2015
at 1:17 am
April Fools! Thanks for the guest comic, Spilly
If Football is Handegg, then Soccer is Divegrass. Basketball is FlopDunk, Hockey is IcePunch, and Baseball is CrotchGrab.
Edit:
Boxing is ConcussionGlove
UFC is BloodOctagon
Golf is NatureWalk
Tennis is NetSmack (Thanks Clarificator)
Nascar is LoopZoom
Bowling is DrunkPin
College Football is IndenturedServitude Hangegg
Fishing is HookBite
Running is FootPain
Cycling is DopeWheels
Raquetball is PrisonTennis
Badminton is ShuttleCock
Hunting is GoAmerica
Waterpolo is WhoCares
E-Sports is SmellyNeckbeard
Archery is Woodguns
Rock Climbing is Suicide
Handball is DoubleEntendre
Sailing is TriangleBoat
BodyBuilding is OilPose
Poker is BlankFace
Thank smeg there’s just Sunderland, Newcastle Utd, Middlesbrough, Hartlepool Utd and Darlington in my area (spread across the top 4 tiers). Makes it easier being a Dolphins fan.
Totally nicking Divegrass, Flopdunk etc by the way
Dingleberry United
Truly grabbing one’s crotch is America’s Past Time.
Does that make tennis NetSmack?
I support Real Eastham United Hamham Chivas of Hamingtonhamshirehamchesterham by the Ham FC.
Basketball is most certainly SqueakyFlop. Get it right.
Good that the USA have no problem with unchecked nationalism at all 😀
Soccer is, and will always be, SHIT. I dont care if everybody else in the world watches it. It should be relegated to punishment for shoplifting. Get caught lifting a Nelly CD? Then you get tied to a chair and are forced to watch a 0-0 tie between the South Hampton Flubbywhatsits and the Nottingham Poon.
Cricket is DongCherry. I am shocked there aren’t more groin-related injuries in this sport.
Also, good use of SxRx.
Nascar is Turnleft
I thought Baseball was LuckSwing?
And eSports should be CurlyMustache! (Or I suppose ButtonMasher or KeyboardSmasher would be more accurate).
Checkers is JumpyCircles
Chess is SmartJumpyCircles
Motocross: Dirtcrash
Horse Racing: DogfoodSpank/FastGlue
I feel like this is relevant
http://i.imgur.com/ih09m.jpg
I don’t mind someone liking one sport over another but elitist fans who look down at football and call it handegg are disgusting.
Paging KP Ransom.
Ive always been disgusting. Nothing I can do about it. I’m not from England, nor am I from anywhere else in the world who watches televised farming. Theres a reason why nobody in the U.S. watches soccer. Cuz its boring and it blows. The whole nation looks down on it. So essentially, you’re calling a whole nation of people disgusting. I find THAT pretty disgusting.
So you think it’s justified to act irrationally biased? Ok
“Theres a reason why nobody in the U.S. watches soccer. Cuz its boring and it blows.”
This is a generalization and this is totally subjective and yet I come up as disgusting. Are you serious?
You do understand that this argument could very easily be turned around, I guess. “There’s a reason why nobody outside of the US watches gridiron. (…) So essentially you’re calling the whole world stupid.”
Bravo, sir.
And it’s worth noting that pretty much every point made by either side in a handegg x divegrass argument can be turned around.
I mean, I live in Brazil (a country where everyone LITERALLY talks about soccer all the time – I’m not exaggerating, believe me) and I can’t stand the sport, so I’ve been in a lot of these arguments*. You know what’s one thing people always bring up? How *easy* it is to score in a football match. They even point out the fact people don’t even seem to celebrate touchdowns sometimes, because they’re so frequent and you know there’s going to be one sooner or later. A goal in a soccer match feels much more rewarding, because there’s no guarantee you’re going to score one, and sometimes it takes an entire match just to get to 1-0.
Do I agree with that sentiment? Nope. I prefer to watch games where stuff is happening all the time, the momentum keeps shifting and come-from-behind victories aren’t such a rare sight. But it IS a valid point, and I respect the fact soccer fans value the payoff of a goal and the buildup that leads to it more than the overall pace of the game. I could give you a few more examples, but in the end it all comes down to – guess what? – different strokes for different folks. Neither sport is “better” than the other, they’re just different, just like the fans are different and look for different things in a game.
*for the record, I’m not the one who starts these arguments. The thing is, simply saying I’m an NFL fan can get some people incredibly pissed off around here, to the point of questioning your love for your own country. Yeah, I know.
Good to see your gay pride there bud.
Magic the Gathering = MoneyVacuum
The people who are hardcore soccer fans and then hate football make me sick. I can’t even say how many hours I’ve spent arguing why football is better. I even had to argue why every football player is a better athlete than a soccer player.
Joe Montana put it best: “Some people criticize football for being too complicated. Imagine these same folks using that logic to argue for checkers over chess”
THANK YOU. Soccer is the “Caddyshack 2” of professional sports. It may as well not even exist.
As somebody who likes both handegg and grassdive, I think arguing which sport is better or which sport features the better athletes is an exercise in futility. First of course because you will never convince the other. Second because the better game or better athlete depends very much on what you expect from either, both have (in my opinion) positive aspects that will bring me to list them above the other one. Third, because variety rules.
It’s perfectly fine not to like a particular sport, not to enjoy it, we all will be bored by some, but don’t let your personal disinterest in something blind you for the qualities needed for said feats. I always use Vivaldi concertos as an analogy: I can easily hear how they need great technical proficiency to execute, I just (personally) do not enjoy listening to them.
I’ve always called basketball floorsqueak
Handegg has never started a war that led to the deaths of thousands, something futbol cannot claim.
Sir, are you familiar with the Raiders Niners rivalry?
I like Net Handegg (Arena Football) the best
I like soccer and football just as much as the other.