Hey Dolbros givin you some more love. In that I’m calling your coach a bland piece of extremely watered down oatmeal, you know, rough love. He’s boring. Joe Philbin could take a personality test and fail. I watched the Dolphins season of Hard Knocks and when Joe Philbin came onscreen it was like watching Matt Ryan play solitaire. Joe Philbin is so bland that if he took cocaine and PCP he’d almost be able to pass for an accountant. Joe Philbin is so bland that he’s that kid in the yearbook class photo you flip through and have literally no recollection of ever existing. Joe Philbin is so bland that at the water cooler he talks about C-span late nights. Joe Philbin is so bland that the color gray won’t even hang out with him. Joe Philbin is so bland he tastes like watered down water. Joe Philbin is so bland he hangs out with Mashed Potatoes to look cooler. Not garlic mashed potatoes either, but plain mashed potatoes, that haven’t even been cooked, just mashed. With a masher, not even a blender or mixer. And the masher was from Kohl’s. When Joe Philbin goes to the movies his favorite part are the turn off cell phone screens. Joe Philbin’s ringtone is a sine wave. Joe Philbin isn’t a big reader, he made it three pages into the dictionary but found it too exciting to handle. Joe Philbin only updates his facebook status as “here”. Joe Philbin drives a blue Honda Accord. Joe Philbin thinks Cardboard is edgy.