The Draw Play

At first, it seems absurd that I am making a Ringless Rivers comic in the year 2025. But there was actually a scenario I had written down in my ideas notepad that may have resulted in a Ringless Rivers comic in this coming year, regardless.

Philip Rivers is a HoF semi-finalist. While I think Rivers is going to be trapped in the same perpetual “just outside the door” purgatory that his companion Eli is trapped in, there is of course a chance he actually makes it in. Rivers had a better career statistically than Eli. Not remarkably better, but better. His lack of postseason credentials is his main hangup, operating as a sort of dark twin to Eli. But modern football writers are increasingly dedicated solely to the god of data, so there is not an unreasonable chance that they give Rivers extra credit and sneak him in because his data chart looks a little nicer.

Should Rivers get in, he would have been first out of the famous 2004 3. Eli is stuck outside for now, and Ben isn’t eligible yet, though he will likely get in soon enough. This would have been the scenario that would have taken my longest-running joke full circle: Rivers gets the gold jacket before his two oppressors. It would be a well-tied bow on an old joke.

Rivers has likely gone and fucked that all up in the name of ring chasing. Truth is funnier than jokes.

This is not the Ringless Rivers comic I expected to make in 2025. I can’t believe I am dusting off the classic best of DP hits to make a legacy sequel for this joke. 

Provided Rivers actually signs to the active Colts roster (expected at time of writing), that resets his HoF eligibility back another 5 years. And it puts the 44-year-old LITERAL GRANDFATHER back on an NFL roster. He has rejoined his sunset year franchise, the Indianapolis Colts.

The Colts are in a death spiral. After a great start, the Colts have hit a wall, and they’ve hit it at full speed. The resurgent Daniel Jones, in the midst of finally receiving true appreciation, suffered a broken fibula and that likely resulted in him putting too much pressure on his other leg to compensate. His Achilles snapped. Thanks to Anthony Richardson also dealing with injury and 3rd stringer Riley Leonard hurt, the Colts were suddenly put in a very bad position.

One of the top offenses in the league is entering a stout defense section of the schedule. The @Seahawks, 49ers, Jaguars, and @Texans. The Texans game may very well decide if the Colts even make the playoffs, if the previous 3 games go poorly. This is not the time of season to lack a functional player at the most important position in sports. So…uh…go wake up Grandpa!

I genuinely do not know what to expect out of Rivers, should he actually play. He obviously has plenty of experience and the team will certainly rely on the run game to minimize pressure on the old man. I guess this is the most exciting part. I do not think this hail mary has much chance of working out in the long term. But there’s always a chance that in two months I am making a Ringed Rivers comic, so hope springs eternal.