THE MIC RULA IS BACK BABY. I thought I had to send him into the abyss but he came back to football and the world is a better place. Little known fact, 2016 sucked because Jim Tomsula was not in football. Now he is back in football, and everything is saved. God bless that man. I can keep making Carl aqua teen references for the foreseeable future. I sort of hope he loses more hair and ends up on the Giants, just so the circle of him turning into Carl will be complete.

Jimmeh Tom Sue La La Land is now the defensive line coach for the Redskins. Jim Hansolo was a pretty good D-line coach in San Fran (or Frisco as the locals call it, trust me, they love to call it that) and was way over his head as a head coach, so it’s nice to stick little ol’ Jimmy T back where he belongs. Telling large men to kill quarterbacks while a psychotic baby man owner takes a big steaming dump on the hopes and dreams of the fanbase. It’s his #brand.

I’m happy for Jim Tomsula. He’s a regular dude who got a great job, then a dream job, then was reminded the American dream is dead but still made bank so he took a year off to buy scratch off tickets and presumably blow his millions in a casino somewhere.  I would absolutely love to read a tell all book or something of his tenure in SF. What the entire situation was like from the side of a greasy fly on the wall. Was he on team York? Was he a fan of Harbaugh but understandably didn’t want to leave so he could get that job? Was he actually a manipulative locker room politician who helped oust Harbaugh to land the job, as I’ve seen a few people speculate? I can’t imagine Tomsula as a secret diabolical genius, he looks like a guy more likely to have multiple scars on his body from 4th of July mishaps than expert social manipulation tactics.

Jim Tomsula looks like a guy who was tricked into eating hummus once and had to throw up and wash it down with Lone Star. Jim Tomsula looks like a guy who’s doctor always seems surprised to see him still alive when he comes in every few months to get a chicken bone dislodged from his lung.
Jim Tomsula seems like that guy who tells you he’s found an incredible loophole in the tax system only to get sent to jail 2 months later for fraud.
Jim Tomsula seems like that guy who’s closet is 3 decade old trash fashion from the 70’s that he can’t fit into anymore but he keeps it for the memories.
Jim Tomsula looks like he owns a gun, but not a cool gun, a sissy gun, but he thinks it’s cool, and he waves it around like a lunatic all the time, so you don’t tell him it sucks.
Jim Tomsula thinks craft beer is foofy and doesn’t want to pay for the hard stuff so his fridge is 70% Bud Light.
Jim Tomsula owns.

Never leave us you wonderful man.