The Draw Play

Congratulations to the Seattle Seahawks, 2025 NFL Champions! Well deserved!

THE GAME IN CHAOS
That certainly was…a Super Bowl of all time. Would have preferred the actual shutout because then it might have ended up more memorable than what felt like a virtual shutout. You know it’s a stinker when all your casual friends are texting you that they are bored. I wasn’t bored, I found this game more watchable than Pats/Rams from 2018, but I will admit part of that was probably just seeing the team I was rooting for winning. This was a Thursday Night Football Super Bowl.

That game felt like an upstart young hopeful team that is honestly a few years away from being a genuine competitor and reached the bowl too early getting its ass clowned by the experience and battle tested actual competitor. You could see the inexperience in the Patriots offense. Honestly, you could see it all playoffs, but they got away with it. Until last night.

Drake Maye just…wasn’t ready. The offensive line was swiss cheese. The Hawks got to him early, upset his rhythm, and his game went out the window. He could not figure out the defense. You could see his processing speed was sluggish. He would hold the ball too long and take a hit or sack, or he’d panic and throw an off-target whiff. He seemed to forget he could scramble, which is one of his best qualities.

You could tell the difference between experience and inexperience with Darnold. The Patriots defense balled out this game, just as they did against their other playoff opponents. Justin Herbert buckled under the pressure. Stroud collapsed under it. Stidham never stood a chance to begin with. Darnold…Darnold stayed alive. He was under a similar level of duress to Maye, but he only took one true sack. He kept escaping, throwing the ball away when needed, not turning it over, and keeping things afloat for the next drive. He wasn’t perfect, but he was the epitome of keeping his cool and control under pressure. This is the redemption of Sam we truly wanted. The Ghosts are gone. He can see clearly now. Sam is now the QB the Jets thought they’d get.

The Seattle defense (who I refuse to call The Dark Side Defense, that shit is cringe), whopped some ass. Total ass. In a Super Bowl with a lot of butts in it. Seattle avenged the loss of Super Bowl XLIX. This is not the team I wanted to see win it all when the playoffs started, but they were far from the team I wanted to see win it the least.  I’m so happy for Sam.

CHAOS OF THE WEEK
–The Patriots scoring quickly to start the 4th made this suddenly feel like an actual game could break out. On the next drive they looked alive and in rhythm, like they finally shook off the cobwebs. Then Drake Maye threw one of the worst passes he could possibly throw, directly to Julian Love (ONCE A GIANT, ALWAYS A GIANT). Cris Collinsworth was speechless. The potential for a real game ended on that pass.

CHAOTIC MOMENTS OF THE GAME
–JSN leaving the game for a concussion test was an alarming moment for Seattle, but he came back. Didn’t do much though.
–I’ve never been more impressed with a punter in a football game. Genuinely. The kicker did good too but they also never asked him to make a particularly hard kick. Punter MVP
-The Hawks strip-sacking Maye and then scoring a TD a short time later felt like the moment the game went from “tense, but could go either way still” to “oh the Pats are fucked now”.

THE VIBE CHECK
– Well, we know who is vibing. It ain’t Bill Simmons.

-THE NFL HAS AN OFFICIATING PROBLEM of the week
-Jobe should have been kicked out of the game after he threw a punch during the sideline altercation. Apparently, though, they can’t eject a player if a flag wasn’t thrown in the first place. What a stupid rule.

CACKLES OF THE WEEK
–I went to grab a chicken wing from the kitchen of the party I was at, and came back in watching Seattle run back a fumble/pick. Almost dropped my wing.

BIG OOF OF THE WEEK
-Kenneth Walker with the walk-off home run…before the holding call. Magic moment over.

FRAUD WATCH
–I WAS RIGHT THE FIRST TIME. PATRIOTS WERE FUCKIN FRAUDS. THEY WERE ALWAYS FRAUDS. LAST PLACE ASS SCHEDULE AND A BUNCH OF WOEFUL OFFENSES IN THE PLAYOFFS. TAKE YOUR MEDICINE YOU FRAUD ASS BITCHES

Okay so they weren’t that bad and the defense was great, but I can’t go this whole post without being a hater at least a little bit, so here we go.

THIS GUY ALMOST WON MVP? THIS COACH WAS COACH OF THE YEAR? THIS OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR WAS ASSISTANT OF THE YEAR? THESE ARE YOUR HONORS? EMBARASSING. If the Chargers had any semblance of offense these bums would have gotten toasted in the wildcard, because they were a wildcard team with a soft ass schedule and good fucking luck until last night. Schedule Merchants. Josh McDaniels is a hack.

To every Patriots fan who got mad at me for doubting them all year: suck on that shit. I hope Drake Maye has a Dan Marino career. Hall of famer who loses a Super Bowl in his second season and never goes back. I guess all those kindergarteners in Boston gotta wait a bit longer to see a Super Bowl.

SNUFF FILM OF THE WEEK
-Will Campbell, who would die for Drake Maye, let Drake Maye die.

DISAPPOINTMENT DUCK
–Drake Maye. Look if he wasn’t a Patriot I’d probably like him a lot more and I feel bad ragging on him so much, but damn. He was not ready. If he had remembered he could scramble before the 4th quarter he might have had a better day. Of course if Josh McDaniels could have noticed his QB was struggling and called more screens or quick plays or something to help, that might have been good too. But Joshy is a hack

MOST UNWATCHABLE TEAM OF THE WEEK
–Oh baby you know it’s them fraud ass Patriots

OTHER THOUGHTS
-Bad Bunny doesn’t make music for me and I’ve never even heard his songs before this game, so honestly I can’t comment on the halftime show too much. Sometimes a show just isn’t for you, and that’s fine (tell that to the legions of complete dipshits who apparently feel otherwise, but I digress). However, I was deeply impressed with the stage and production of this particular show, with all the moving parts and amazing camerawork. From a production standpoint, amazing work. The coolest show I’ve seen in a long time on that front.

The Ads were just as bad as expected. The occasional chuckle. Mostly just celebrities being silly or wacky. Weird amount of Butts, but I won’t complain. I like butts. I did laugh at the Liquid Death exploding head ad, probably because it focused on actual comedy instead of celebrities being wacky. Fuck all the AI ads. Also jesus, Millenials really are the target audience for nostalgia now, huh. TWO Backstreet Boys ads? In 2026? I’m gonna throw up.