First off, congrats to Mackenzie and Jordan, the very first couple to get married at halftime of an NFL game.  That’s pretty neat! It is pretty damn cool that the Bills not only supported this, but they had multiple famous players in the wedding party and were officiated by Kyle Williams. That’s certainly a unique way to tie the knot. It was probably a nightmare to plan. I wish them many years of happiness. Apparently they are also from Rochester, so I hope their reception food was just a ton of garbage plates.

I’m not sure I’d want to get married during halftime of a game though. They have a cherished memory for the rest of their lives, and included in that memory is a painful Bills loss. If you are so dedicated to your football fandom that you get married during the game, I feel like you’d want to win the game. I imagine everyone who ever asks about their story when they tell it is going to ask if the Bills won.”We got married during an NFL game!” “Neat! Did they win?” “No! Josh Allen got knocked out with a concussion on a dirty hit and we lost painfully in a defensive slog!” What a story. Props to them though. It was still probably worth the memories.

I can’t believe they didn’t finish the ceremony by slamming through a table though. Waste of an opportunity.

In fact, not only did they not smash a table, the game featured no dildos. A travesty. Dildos on the field is one of the best Bills/Pats traditions in football. Tom Brady comes out and takes a big whomping rubber dick right to his head. Who doesn’t want to see this? Even Pats fans would probably find it funny. Some of them. The Dildo police were on high alert and probably had DSA agents set up at every entrance to the stadium. Screw the No Fun League. Give us the Dildos.

Anyway I want to give the Bills credit. After beating the Jets, Giants, and Bengals, I thought they were a paper tiger. They held their own against the Pats and the defense played great. Things obviously look a bit bleaker with Josh Allen getting knocked out but they aren’t as big a fakers as I suspected. I still think they are headed for a classic Bills “start strong then fade into 7-9 when everyone gets their hopes up” type Bills season, as is tradition. They have a manageable schedule if all teams stay their current course, but that rarely happens. I still don’t see them making the playoffs in a division with the Pats plus whatever wildcard contenders we get. But they might.