(Farts loudly) The Browns
Going into this year the question of “who will be the best QB” is pretty up in the air. Lamar Jackson had a downish year in 2025 and is now under a new system. Mahomes is recovering from injury and, to be frank, has been slowly declining since Tyreek left. We can’t put Mahomes in his own tier anymore. Burrow struggles to stay healthy but should be a threat when upright. Football Moose seems like the safe bet, but he’s also dealing with a mild coaching adjustment and a weaker supporting cast. There is also the possibility that a second tier guy suddenly makes a big leap, like Dak, Trevor, Maye, Love, or even Caleb. The QB race is going to be fascinating in 2026.
What is significantly more clear is who will be the worst. It’ll probably be whoever the Browns trot out there.
I have no idea how this franchise keeps finding itself in the worst QB competitions imaginable, but this year might be the crown jewel unless one of these bums surprises us. Let’s examine our competitors.
OPTION 1: THE NASTY MAN
Watson still being on this team is a joke. The worst contract in NFL history continues to pay whatever the opposite of dividends are (Hidden fees? Taxes?). When the Broncos made one of the worst contract mistakes in NFL history with Russ, they took their cap medicine, cut him, and moved onto being a competitor. The Browns are still pretending this dumpster has a chance and won’t move on. This guy has no future in the league. He has been one of the worst quarterbacks in history since he put on a Browns uniform, his off-field behavior has made him one of the most despised players in the league, and he’s now over 30. There is no future with Watson. Once the Browns can cut him, he’s out of the league. Why are we giving this dead weight any reps? Watson should not be above 3rd stringer unless someone gets hurt. I cannot wait till we no longer have to think about this turd.
OPTION 2: SHEDEUR SANDERS
As far as I’m concerned Sanders should be the starter. I think Monken is trotting Watson out there to appease Haslam, who tied far too much of his identity into the Nasty Man. Monken has to pretend Watson has a chance. If that’s not what’s happening and Sanders really is in genuine competition with Watson, fuuuuuck. Sanders was 3rd on the depth chart last year and was a deeply overhyped prospect to begin with with a very annoying fanbase, but he’s not without potential if things go right. Sanders has some ability. It is buried under terrible decision-making and stupid hero ball, but it’s there. This is absolutely the best option on the table. Now remember that when you watch him play, and shudder.
OPTION 3: DILLION GABRIEL
I actually ran afoul of a Gabriel stan on draft day, believe it or not. I joked about the Browns taking “this guy?” in the 3rd and some Oregon fan lady got really mad at me about how he’s such a good boy. Maybe he is. It is very silly to pretend Gabriel will ever be anything other than a benchwarmer. He’s like 3 feet tall. Gabriel got some starts last year and calling him a game manager would be an insult to shift managers at McDonalds. He was completely…there. He was safe with the ball to a degree that would make your Grandma go back to knitting because it was more exciting. I have nothing against Gabriel the person and wish him well. But some guys just smell of career backup nobody. I would love for someone to leak why the Browns took him in the 3rd last year and then took Shedeur.
OPTION 4: TAYLEN GREEN
The Browns took Taylen in round 6 of the 2026 NFL draft. Green is just Monken trying to see if he can find Kirkland Brand Lamar. He’s a tall athletic freak who can move, and that’s it. Honestly not a bad guy to take a late-round flyer on if your QB room is a pile of dung, but it would be foolish to expect much out of Green. Green is when you’ve got a 5 sitting in your pocket that you don’t need so you throw it on number 32 on the roulette wheel, just in case you get lucky.
Preseason game one gave Watson the start. He managed a couple of scoring drives but got strip-sacked at the worst moment, a Watson special. He still crumbles under pressure. Sanders played the 3rd quarter and threw a pick. Gabriel got in there just in time to also throw a pick. Sanders gets the start in the next game. If he can’t play better than Nasty Man with the first-teamers and we are forced to see DeShaun Watson, 2026 Starting QB, every single one of Shedeur’s stans should be forced to wear dunce caps for a full year.
Todd, I know you took this job because you are 60 years old and unlikely to ever get another head coaching offer, but I must say: save everything from that bag you got. This won’t end well and we both know it.
OMG! It IS a callback.
Tebow/Sanchez on the Jets!
And (I could be wrong) but wasn’t there an Eagles one? I think it was Tebow and Sanchez again, but then also Sam Bradford and Matt Barkley?
Dave honoring the classics I see https://www.thedrawplay.com/comic/tebow-vs-sanchez/
Hell, he had a very similar comic just last year! https://www.thedrawplay.com/comic/the-browns-qb-problems/
I have a soft spot for the comic on the Steelers
https://www.thedrawplay.com/comic/the-steelers-new-qb-problem/
[Farts Loudly] made me laugh. I have been known to fart angrily in our Dark Heresy sessions – and my character’s a forge-world tech priest, so you know they can amplify that shit.
Watson will never get another contract that isn’t chump change compared to what he has.
The bench is the ideal place to collect the rest of the guaranteed money and preserve his health so he can enjoy sex pesting to the fullest once he’s drained the Browns fully.
Being on the field just reminds people he’s a huge pile of shit, nothing in it for him.
It’s worth noting that the Watson contract is _fully guaranteed_. That means that there are no cap savings for cutting him. Not 1 red cent. The only reason to cut Watson is to free up a roster spot, which means there’s really no point to it until you can fill that spot with something better.
Comparing it to the Russel Wilson contract isn’t really fair because even though the dead money was enormous for the broncos, they did at least save _something_ by cutting russ. With the Browns, if they cut Watson, they save $0 and have to pay someone else to fill that spot. It’s actually financially beneficial to keep him on.
Didn’t mean to put this here. Whoops
Stafford repeated as MVP and drives off into the sunset with a ring (I can dream)
I think when it comes to the Browns I am only looking at whether Taylen Green gets a start and we add to the Hydra/Jersey. Otherwise…there’s probably a world where Watson is the 30th worst QB in the league (over, I dunno, Dart if his arm doesn’t progress and Tua), Shedeur progresses and gets to “bad starter” level, or Dillon Gabriel…is quietly competent in a very limited role and thus is better even if less entertaining than whatever team ends up starting Jameis Winston this year, I guess? But any of these happening are pretty long shots.
Did you know at least one person polled by the athletic for their QB tiers article put Watson in Tier 2? I wonder who that was, and if they were on a team other than the Browns.
It’s worth noting that the Watson contract is _fully guaranteed_. That means that there are no cap savings for cutting him. Not 1 red cent. The only reason to cut Watson is to free up a roster spot, which means there’s really no point to it until you can fill that spot with something better.
Comparing it to the Russel Wilson contract isn’t really fair because even though the dead money was enormous for the broncos, they did at least save _something_ by cutting russ. With the Browns, if they cut Watson, they save $0 and have to pay someone else to fill that spot. It’s actually financially beneficial to keep him on.
It hurts all the more to remember that they gave up the keys to the kingdom for Watson when they literally had Mayfield right in their hands.
Yea like IIRC if they had cut him this year it’d like 130 million this year alone they’d still owe him either way which is about a 33% more money then the Broncos owed Wilson. Next year it goes down to about what the Broncos owed him and the 2028 it becomes a more “reasonable” 50ish million. I honestly think he gets cut next year.
Who’s ready for another winless season?