A Bad Time To Love Dallas Sports
Jerry Jones you are the dumbest motherfucker alive.
Please continue to stay alive and running the Cowboys for another 50 years.
Obviously I had to throw this one together rather quickly, considering the timing of the news, so it’s a bit simple. I can’t believe they actually traded him. I was certain this was all a dog and pony show that was going to end the same way the Dak saga did. It’s fucking Micah Parsons. He’s one of the top defensive players in the entire league. He’s a gamewrecker. He’s a centerpiece. A foundational structure. A load-bearing wall. Blue Chip. You do not trade players like that! If Jerry wasn’t going to trade Dak or CeeDee (both arguably more expendable, imo), why would you trade this guy? Jerry, you fucking dunce. I love you.
Two firsts and Kenny Clark. That’s it. The 49ers traded more to pick Trey Lance. The Packers just went from playoff contenders to potential Super Bowl contenders. That likely puts the first rounders Dallas gets near the bottom of round 1. Luckily they will have their own picks in the top 5 for the foreseeable future. I can’t get over this. Jerry could have paid Micah just part of this contract half a year ago and got to keep him, and instead we are here. Absolute buffoonery. And yet despite all of this it is still somehow the second dumbest Dallas sports trade this year!
Although, is it? Luka Doncic was a more valuable guy, but Dallas at least got Anthony Davis for him. The Cowboys get a mid DT and two first-rounders. Those two first-rounders could end up as Pro Bowlers! Even all pros! Players on the level of say…Micah Parsons! I cannot fathom how awful it must feel for those young Dallas fans to lose two of their stars in the same year to such malpractice.
It brings me untold amounts of joy that the entire Cowboys fanbase is eagerly waiting for Jerry Jones to die and he keeps cranking out masterpieces and staying alive.
And they are dancing, the board floor slamming under the jackboots and the fiddlers grinning hideously over their canted pieces. Towering over them all is the Jerrah and he is naked dancing, his small feet lively and quick and now in doubletime and bowing to the ladies, huge and pale and hairless, like an enormous infant. He never sleeps, he says. He says he’ll never die. He bows to the fiddlers and sashays backwards and throws back his head and laughs deep in his throat and he is a great favorite, the Jerrah. He wafts his hat and the lunar dome of his skull passes palely under the lamps and he swings about and takes possession of one of the fiddles and he pirouettes and makes a pass, two passes, dancing and fiddling at once. His feet are light and nimble. He never sleeps. He says that he will never die. He dances in light and in shadow and he is a great favorite. He never sleeps, the Jerrah. He is dancing, dancing. He says that he will never die.
Jerrah has remade Dallas into a fun world. A better world. A party that never ends, with a host that never dies. Time is dead, meaning has no meaning, existence is upside-down and Jerrah reigns supreme! Welcome one and all to the Dallas Cowboys.
(10/10 Judge Holden reference, btw)
That which exists without Jerrah’s knowledge exists without his consent.
I’m starting to think that Jerry doesn’t actually want to win. There’s just as much money in the circus.
You’re just starting to think that after 30 years of the Cowboys being all spectacle and no rings?
The vibes were so good after Adam Thielen came home and I didn’t even get to enjoy that for 24 hours. Fuck you, Jerry Jones
The Luka trade is still dumber because the star impact is significantly greater in the NBA, and it’s also related to the complete dysfunction within the rest of the organization. Davis is often injured, and the Mavs completely fucked over their medical staff to the point where they almost had to forfeit games due to lacking enough healthy players. And then some of the staff they fired, who were among the most respected in the league, went to the Knicks where they’re beloved so far. Jerry is a very stupid, stubborn man, but he pales in comparison to Nico.
This was a devastating blow for the “Nothing Ever Happens” Crowd. Excellent work by Jerruh.
All joking aside, though, I really can’t believe that they actually traded him. Once Trey Hendrickson got his 1 year pity deal, it felt like a given that the Micah Parsons saga was going to end the same way, if not with an actual lengthy extension that keeps him in Dallas for the long run. At least Cincinnati has a history of being extraordinarily cheap, plus Hendrickson is 30. The fact that they were able to reach a deal while Dallas went through with dumping their guy is insane. And to Green Bay, no less.
It speaks to the absolute ego of Jerry Jones that he could easily draft another Parsons. I’m getting flashbacks to when the Raiders traded Mack to the Bears.
Haha! Heck, even Hank Hill told Jerry to pay Parsons.
I can’t believe this happened.
With that being said, no, not as dumb as the Doncic trade. The best players in the NBA are more valuable than any NFL player except maybe QB to a team’s success, this is actually kind of the market rate for Top Tier Edge Rusher (Khalil Mack got just a bit less, 2 firsts and a 3rd with a 2nd rounder sent back and a swap of 7ths), and the existence of a Hard Cap in the NFL vs the NBA means that…this actually might be cap related? Granted, part of the issue is that this is an extension that should have happened a year and a half ago, but the trade in and of itself…purely from the outside looking in I think there’s an argument that you don’t want too far north of 100 million dollars in cap tied up in Dak Prescott and Micah Parsons, and while the issue there is absolutely Dak getting 5 mil more than any other QB while never deserving it, it does put them in a bit of a bind.
Add that to the fact that next season Ceedee Lamb’s contract balloons to 38 mil per year and if this was any other team than the Cowboys, I’d wonder if they were actually deciding to tank. The issue is that this is the Cowboys; I don’t think Jerry Jones has ever tanked, he’s old and probably isn’t living another 15 years, and as such I’m not certain what the plan is.
Doncic trade may have been a sabotage done to destroy Dallas basketball. We may never confirm it but if that info gets declassified in decades from now…
Also how long will it be before Parsons gets a ring? Likely before the Cowboys gets #6, that’s for certain.
Dave, did you see the new NFL rivalries jerseys that Nike put out yesterday? Thoughts?
I had my usual nike designers comic all made and scheduled to go up today and then Jerry sold Parsons so I had to pivot. The comic and my thoughts will be out Monday
Skip Brainless told me that “Eleven From Heaven” – a player he once praised as one of the most dominant in the league – is a “losing player,” and that the Packers got fleeced, and “GOOD RIDDANCE!” DEM BOYZ are BETTER without him. Watching the mental gymnastics that dude goes through after spending years pronouncing him the second coming of Jesus is… well, it’s friggin IMPRESSIVE.
You can almost SEE the tears running down his face.
https://www.thebiglead.com/skip-bayless-roasts-micah-parsons-green-bay-packers-unhinged-nfl-rant
It’s ten minutes of PURE JOY for me, I literally cannot stop laughing. I absolutely cannot. I’m still giggling typing this. X’D X’D
This is even more unhinged than the time he defended Flozell Adams in 2009.
Jerry was CRAZY to let him go and if he had negotiated fairly a few YEARS ago and had locked him into a long term contract then Dallas wouldn’t have had to pay him $47 million/year and wouldn’t have lost him.
For those saying “edge rusher isn’t that big of a deal”, remember a guy name Von Miller from 10 years ago in a Super Bowl ? Edge Rusher is the 2nd most critical player on a team behind the QB hence why Green Bay paid so much for Parsons.
About the ONLY silver lining is that Jerry COULD use those 2 1st round picks to move up and get a QB of the future to replace the 30 something Dak.
Thank you for your stupidity Jerry- A very happy Packers fan.
That Rangers World Series win is doing a loooooooot of heavy lifting for the wellbeing of Dallas sports fans lately.
It’s really funny watching the Cowboys sub-Reddit huff copium and try to convince themselves that they don’t need Micah and this was a good decision by Jerry.
“He disappears in the playoffs! He has one playoff sack!” (ignores that Micah was getting double-teamed on every snap)
“He’s a diva! Can’t win a super bowl with one of those!” (Forgets about Michael Irvin and Deion Sanders)
“Kenny Clark is a team player! A real lunch pail, ham and egger kind of guy! He’s happy to be here!” (Because 30 year old DTs coming off a blah year always swing back into form)
“Micah has injury concerns, we needed that money to extend our other players!” (Said player that got extended missed 10 games last season on IR)
“We’re already paying Dak and CeeDee too much money!” (Ignores that Jerrah fucked up those signings too, paying like 5-10 million more for each than he would have if he’d signed them before the markets got reset on both of them.)
It’s a day we can shout this with pride: “HOW BOUT DEM COWBOYS!”
I don’t think it’ll help when Jerruh dies. Sure he’s probably not 200% in agreement with his dad on every single move but Steven is absolutely on board with most of them and doesnt hate the others. I would bet money he is actually the genesis of a lot of them as he is much more of a “make money not the playoffs” unfeeling business type, while Jerruh at least has some passion behind him sometimes. He certainly wants the cowboys to win games at least