Matt Hasselbeck’s Busted Boast
Who is the modern equivalent of Matt Hasselbeck? A decent but not spectacular above-average QB who found himself as the game manager of a well-put-together team that managed to compete for a while? My gut pointed to Kirk Cousins but Cousins hasn’t made it to a Super Bowl, which Hasselbeck did. I think a good comparison is Brock Purdy. A late round nobody who entered the league as a backup and ended up the guy for a while. If Purdy never gets back to the Super Bowl or raises his play above his current level, I think that’s the best comparison. Please do not point stats at me saying this isn’t a good comparison, I do not care about your numbers, I compare on vibes.
I remember Matt Hasselbeck as a pretty cool guy. He was a low-ego backup to Brett Favre and he was always very affable in interviews. He was great on TV, and the Seahawks fanbase loved him. He had that sort of underdog quality to him and Seattle has always fashioned themselves as a small market underdog team that gets no respect. That ceased to be true for a while during the legion of boom era, but you wouldn’t know that talking to a Seahawks fan. Smaller market fans will always call foul no matter how much national media respect they get. Real whiney little brother stuff. If you are a Hawks fan who just got mad reading that, go give yourself a noogie so I don’t have to.
With how humble Hasselbeck was, it’s ironic that his most iconic moment in NFL lore was an egotistical boast. It is early 2003. Normies are singing along to Eminem’s “Lose Yourself”. Cool people are singing along to a much better song. Matthew Hasselbeck has helped lead the Seahawks to a playoff appearance, his first. They are playing the Packers in Lambeau Field. The game is actually quite good, a back-and-forth affair in a light snow that ends in regulation with a 27-27 tie. Nobody will remember anything from regulation because of what is about to happen.
The coin toss occurs and the Seahawks call heads. The coin indeed lands on heads. Matt Hasselbeck, maybe still too young and full of piss and vinegar, leans over to the ref. The microphone catches his words. “We want the ball and we’re gonna score”.
What occurs next is one of the great instances of sports schadenfreude. Hasselbeck throws an ill-advised pass to the left to Alex Bannister, as pro-bowl cornerback Al Harris perfectly baits him and jumps in front of the pass for an easy interception and return. Harris immediately throws his hand up. He knows. He scampers gleefully into the endzone as Hasselbeck dives pitifully into the dirt at Harris’ feet. The Seahawks 2003 season ends with a meme for the ages.
If you are a youngin, you probably only know Matt Hasselbeck because of this moment. Hasselbeck was a good QB for the Hawks for a long time. He was there for the Romo Botched snap game. He was there for the Beastquake. He was the Seahawks QB for Super Bowl 40, a Super Bowl unfortunately remembered as one of the worst of all time, if remembered at all. Hawks fans will claim the game was rigged. Whether or not it actually was is impossible to say, but if it wasn’t rigged, it was very…VERY…VERY poorly officiated. Hasselbeck was the face of Seahawks football for the 2000’s along with Shaun Alexander and Walter Jones. Also Lofa Tatupu, if you are cool. He’s the millennial hipster’s favorite Seahawks QB, all the posers go for Russ but the real ones remember the Hass.
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Thanks to longtime reader jfarbzz for mentioning that I’ve never done a comic about this moment, because it deserved one. Honestly now that I think about it, the Romo Snap and Super Bowl 40 probably do too. If you join The Draw Play Patreon, you too can throw ideas at me that you’ve always wanted to see a comic for!
“Who is the modern equivalent of Matt Hasselbeck? A decent but not spectacular above-average QB who found himself as the game manager of a well-put-together team that managed to compete for a while?”
Jimmy Garoppolo
Also, I never liked Shaun Alexander as a kid, and I finally figured it out. He gives/gave off creepo vibes.
“With how humble Hasselbeck was, it’s ironic that his most iconic moment in NFL lore was an egotistical boast.”
*DEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BREATH*
Ok. Ok ok ok ok, okay. Sigh. This one is PERSONAL. So as it turns out, I was at BC the same time as the Hasselbeck brothers. And let me tell you. Let me tell you. I’m not saying people can’t grow, and that the selfish jerkwads they were in college is who they remained for the rest of their lives. But when I knew them, “humble” is not a word you’d attach to either brother. They were entitled little @#%&*s. Broke every rule and got away with it, the most annoying of which was throwing parties during finals week when it was quiet hours in the dorms (I had the ‘privilege’ of living in the same dorm as Li’l Timmy my senior year, admittedly I don’t know if Li’l Matty did the same thing his senior year, but one can assume). The parties were never broken up.
So based on what I knew of him, the egotistical boast was not a one-off, it was a moment when the little mask he put on for the world cracked, and you got to see who he really was. I have never cackled harder nor longer in my sports-watching life than when this happened. It was brilliant, it was beautiful, watching him exposed for the entire world. Even now, it brings a tear to mine eye.
So anyway, yea, I just have to say, the Hasselback Bros can rot in a fire. And in a world where Aaron Rodgers OD’d and choked on his own flaccid penis as a teenager and Tommy Brady rightfully loses against the Raiders for fumbling and vanishes into oblivion, these two jokers would get the bulk of my hate. LOL.
Ayy, thanks for using my idea and appreciate the shoutout! I feel like it should be mentioned that not only was Hasselbeck around for the Beastquake, but he was downfield blocking on that play lmao
Matt Schaub sorta fits the bill. Jeff Garcia would be the ronin version.
I think you might’ve already done one on the Romo Snap? It could be the Mandela Effect tricking my memory.
Super Bowl XL was F****D. Even at 8/9 years old, I could tell the officials were…on drugs, to put it kindly. For awhile I convinced myself that I just misperceived that because I was a little kid who didn’t really understand the game yet. But then I got older & I saw an interview with the official who apologized to Seattle for costing them the super bowl
Bill Fuckin’ Leavy. The only ref I’ve ever seen throw a flag on a QB for making a tackle on an interception that only happened because of a nonexistent hold he called on the previous play. He got what he deserved later on when surprise surprise, he botched another game and gave the 49ers an undeserved win against the Packers in 2013 and got downgraded.