The King in the AFCNorth
Not only was the season incredibly chaotic, but we are having an absurdly chaotic coaching carousel to go along with it. I normally wait to make comics about the coaching news until things are settled but it has gotten so wild and nothing has resolved yet. The latest domino to fall: Mike Tomlin, who is “stepping down”. This means Zac Taylor is the only AFCN coach who still has a job. Arguably the guy who deserves to get fired the most! It must be nice to have a boss so cheap you have job security this tight.
As of writing, we have NINE openings. I’d rank them on appeal like this:
#1 Ravens, QB, team mostly in place, good ownership
#2 Steelers, good team, patient owners, just needs a QB
#3 Falcons, honestly decent owner, okay roster, new GM to work with, maybe a QB
#4 Dolphins, New GM to work with, but QB issues need a year or more to fix
#5 Giants, Some good pieces in place but working for a hot seat GM in a tough market
#6 Raiders, First overall pick, but GM probably sucks and the team is deeply flawed
#7 Titans, no pressure market and young QB but roster is in rough shape
#8 Browns, good defense, but offense is stuck in hell, bad ownership, cursed, etc
#9 Cardinals, QB conundrum, bad owners, cursed but less obvious about it
The Ravens and Steelers are head and shoulders above the others. It is rare to have such stable and reliable openings. For the first time in almost two decades, we are going to watch Ravens/Steelers games without Harbaugh or Tomlin in them. That’s weird. It unsettles me. The AFCNorth is a place of stability. The Ravens are Harbaugh. The Steelers are Tomlin, and never with a losing record. The Bengals are up and down, but rarely change their coaching. The Browns are consistently a clown show. This is a predictable lot. But what now?
We have a lot of names up for coaching spots too, but not as much the usual hot coordinators. Tomlin, who “resigned” and was not fired, still has his rights owned by the Steelers. Many predict he is going to take a year off and do broadcasting stuff. Maybe he really is just following the Bill Cowher career path and he will just never come back. Harbaugh has his pick of the litter and can take his time making his decision. He’s been linked to the Giants, Dolphins, Falcons, and Titans so far. Stefanski is probably the 3rd big option. A guy who helped bring the Browns back to relevance before things blew up. Kevin has some pedigree but just as many questions.
Outside that Mike McCarthy is still a free agent if we are talking established coaches looking for a new home. Giants fans seem to hate the idea of McCarthy, I appear to be alone in not being so opposed. He had success in Green Bay and Dallas, especially on offense. But he’s definitely far from ideal. The Green Bay relationship strained but if you remember, he was not actually fired by Dallas. He genuinely seemed to take Dak into a new place, and if he could develop Dart, that’s what matters to me. Also hiring a good D-coordinator. Also only take him if Harbaugh passes us up and also probably several other options pass us up.
Out of the coordinator hot hands we have Klint Kubiak and Chris Shula, who are both still in the playoffs so they wont go anywhere yet. Robert Saleh is also on the shortlist again, and honestly I think he deserves to be. Kliff Kingsbury is a free agent who slightly redeemed himself through Jayden Daniels but I don’t think he’s getting a HC job. Brian Flores of course, who just screams Steelers head coach. Mike McDaniel has a chance to move to another HC spot but I think he’s likely just going to go back to coordinator. Brian Daboll got an interview in Tennessee, and they could probably do worse, but he should be an OC too. Joe Brady from the Bills has gotten looks for years but he isn’t getting much hype anymore. Lou Anarumo is getting interviewed by the Giants because he has ties there but doesn’t seem to garner interest elseware. Todd Monken from the Ravens has also gotten attention.
There are also odd options, like Antonio Pierce, who is probably just being used as a Rooney Rule fulfillment. Matt Nagy has gotten calls this year, which is baffling. Nagy hasn’t even redeemed himself since he got hired as Chiefs OC! Since Bienemy left, the Chiefs offense has been slow, plodding, and much less effective. Why is Matt Nagy getting looks. Is he also like 1/25 Cherokee or something so he can also be a Rooney Rule fulfillment?
This is far from an exhaustive list of names and a number of other lesser-known options could get hired. I’m guessing the Cardinals and Browns end up with guys that makes us say “who?” or “him?”
The Eagles and Chargers are also officially on the market for a new OC. Greg Roman and Kevin Patullo were let go Tuesday morning. Greg Roman is honestly my pick to be John Harbaugh’s new coordinator wherever Harbaugh ends up, because the Harbaughs pass Roman back and forth like a joint with mediocre weed that neither wants to take the last puff on. Kevin Patullo will likely make a great shift manager at Arby’s. He has the meats. Both teams are very attractive options for OCs and I predict McDaniel ends up in one of them. Jonathan Gannon is also likely to get picked up as a DC under one of these new regimes, same with Raheem Morris. I’d wager we’ve seen the end of Pete Carroll.
Meanwhile, looks like Matt LaFleur is still employed as of writing. Packers fans in shambles.
No dominoes have fallen yet. This is incredibly exciting. Next year is going to look very weird.
You say that, but what if the Ravens hire Tomlin and the Steelers hire Harbaugh?
Also, where Belichick? Whe?
Billy B is toast; maybe the Giants hire him, but he only wants Atlanta… again.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but the Giants don’t employ cheerleaders.
I think nothing would be funnier if John Harbaugh opted to coach Michigan in spite of his brother and win a CFB championship without cheating, but then again that’d mean Michigan would be good, and I hate Michigan .
I have so far been all in on Harbaugh coming to the Giants. But your comment about getting Greg Roman as OC sent a chill down my spine.
hey! The Lions called dibs on McDaniel for OC. Everyone needs to respect the rule of dibs.
It is genuinely baffling that Zac Taylor keeps surviving year after year. He’s an awful coach squandering the careers of his players.
It’s not baffling when you realize the overriding principle of the Bengals isn’t wins, but cheap.
I hate that the Iggles gave that little brat wining about AJ Brown and calling Patulla a burger flipper the satisfaction of firing the dude. All season long, all we heard were that the Iggles were FIIIIIINE, their half-on/half-off offense was nothing to worry about, because LOOK AT THEIR RECORD! We’re all deluded morons for thinking they won’t go all the way again. Firing this guy is now acknowledging the quiet part out loud, the Iggles suck just like the rest of us. Cry Iggles, cry.
As for Mike McCarthy, put me firmly in the NOOOOOOOOO F@%#%@!%#%G WAAAAAAAAAAY camp. I know he has suuuuuuch a great regular season record, blah blah blah, but dude’s 11-11 in the playoffs, with the likes of Brett Favre, Aaron Rodgers, and Dak Prescotta as his QBs. His game time decisions in all three locations were AWFUL, but the bullet-in-the-brain part of this idea for me was when he was interviewing for Dallas.
He claimed, proudly, that he watched EVERY SNAP the Cowboys took for the previous season (maybe two? I forget). Jerry Jones openly referenced this as a point of pride in his attention to detail while they were snuggling up to each other in sleeping bags.
And then… during his OPENING PRESS CONFERENCE. “Yeaaa, so I told Jerry I watched all of the plays, huh huh huh, yea… I lied. I was just desperate to get the job.” (I don’t remember the exact quote, but suffice it to say there are TWO IMMEDIATE red flags there.)
1. You’ve now told me you’re willing to openly lie if it benefits you.
2. You’re actually f#@&g dumb enough to tell people about it DURING YOUR OPENING PRESS CONFERENCE.
Just… no. If the Giants hire Mike McCarthy, I’m out. Seriously. That will be the straw that breaks my ass. No f-ing way. Give me the Guy on a Roomba over this absolute clown.
“For the first time in almost two decades, we are going to watch Ravens/Steelers games without Harbaugh or Tomlin in them.”
Unless the Ravens and Steelers do the funniest thing and swap coaches
I would be OK with SF bringing McDaniel back as OC. This team had such a talented coaching staff that gets grabbed every few years. Without Salah no way 49ers are in their position now and maybe not playoffs.
As a Niner fan I’d love for McDaniel to come back but the thought of McDaniel getting to coach Herbert is very very tantalizing.
Lafleur absolutely should not be fired, he’s not even the first guy who should be on the chopping block on the Packers.
I’d fire Zac Taylor, Todd Bowles, and might fire Aaron Glenn. Start Lafleur on a hot seat, but that’s as far as he should be at this point.
The rest of the league needs to keep their grubby mitts off of Saleh. He’s ours and we’re keeping him.
News coming out that Harbaugh is signing with the Giants
Yer goddamn right there is! I’m trying not to get too excited until it’s truly TRULY final finalized.
But ah, screw it! Haarrrrrrbaugh! Hhhhhhhaaaaarrrrrrbaugh! Huh-har-bawwwwwww! I haven’t been this excited about the Giants since… a long long time. I can only imagine how this will go for Joe Schoen. “How do you like your drinks, sir? Here is the scouting report on the players sir, my son thinks we should tak-*SLAP*. S-sorry, sir! So sorry! Pick whoever you’d like while I clean your shoes, Mr. Harbaugh, sir.” HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Yeah, while it won’t fix everything, I hope the guy at least steer them to the right direction. Besides it’s already potentially too late to save the “one title a decade” thing the Giants had going on since ’80s.