The Cowboys Get A Taco
Taco Time, baby. I thought someone named Taco was only in The League. I was never able to take his name seriously. Now there is an actual person who is named Taco (not actual first name, sadly). I am excited for Taco. Taco will be fun.
I’d wager this joke was probably made already but whatevs. Common downside to making a comic that takes time on a specific schedule.
Anyway, in case you wanted to see my annual DRAW PLAY DRAFT CARDS…Here you go. I did them differently this season. I actually did them live! So yeah, they are a bit weird.
This draft’s first round was pretty crazy. Lot of trades. The 49ers didn’t look stupid, so good showing for John Lynch. The Chiefs drafted the opposite of Alex Smith. The Panthers drafted white runnerman. 3 tight ends! Takk went to the Falcons and gave an all-time draft acceptance speech. Houston got Not-Brock! Other things. But what we really want is DRAFT GRADES! Let’s grade this draft, pick by pick. Screw the other experts, grades from a butt loving cartoonist is what you really want, so lets do this:
New England Patriots
Has yet to play a down in the NFL, grading these picks are complete nonsense
New York Jets
Has yet to play a down in the NFL, grading these picks are complete nonsense
Buffalo Bills
Has yet to play a down in the NFL, grading these picks are complete nonsense
Miami Dolphins
Has yet to play a down in the NFL, grading these picks are complete nonsense
Indianapolis Colts
Has yet to play a down in the NFL, grading these picks are complete nonsense
Tennessee Titans
Has yet to play a down in the NFL, grading these picks are complete nonsense
Jacksonville Jaguars
Has yet to play a down in the NFL, grading these picks are complete nonsense
Houston Texans
Has yet to play a down in the NFL, grading these picks are complete nonsense
Pittsburgh Steelers
Has yet to play a down in the NFL, grading these picks are complete nonsense
Baltimore Ravens
Has yet to play a down in the NFL, grading these picks are complete nonsense
Cleveland Browns
Has yet to play a down in the NFL, grading these picks are complete nonsense
Cincinnati Bengals
Has yet to play a down in the NFL, grading these picks are complete nonsense
Oakland Raiders
Has yet to play a down in the NFL, grading these picks are complete nonsense
Kansas City Chiefs
Has yet to play a down in the NFL, grading these picks are complete nonsense
Denver Broncos
Has yet to play a down in the NFL, grading these picks are complete nonsense
San Diego Chargers
Has yet to play a down in the NFL, grading these picks are complete nonsense
New York Giants
Has yet to play a down in the NFL, grading these picks are complete nonsense
Philadelphia Eagles
Has yet to play a down in the NFL, grading these picks are complete nonsense
Dallas Cowboys
Has yet to play a down in the NFL, grading these picks are complete nonsense
Washington Redskins
Has yet to play a down in the NFL, grading these picks are complete nonsense
Minnesota Vikings
Has yet to play a down in the NFL, grading these picks are complete nonsense
Green Bay Packers
Has yet to play a down in the NFL, grading these picks are complete nonsense
Chicago Bears
lol
Detroit Lions
Has yet to play a down in the NFL, grading these picks are complete nonsense
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Has yet to play a down in the NFL, grading these picks are complete nonsense
Carolina Panthers
Has yet to play a down in the NFL, grading these picks are complete nonsense
New Orleans Saints
Has yet to play a down in the NFL, grading these picks are complete nonsense
Atlanta Falcons
Has yet to play a down in the NFL, grading these picks are complete nonsense
Seattle Seahawks
Has yet to play a down in the NFL, grading these picks are complete nonsense
Arizona Cardinals
Has yet to play a down in the NFL, grading these picks are complete nonsense
San Francisco 49ers
Has yet to play a down in the NFL, grading these picks are complete nonsense
Los Angeles Rams
Has yet to play a down in the NFL, grading these picks are complete nonsense
BUT DAVE! What else will we talk about until training camps without draft grades????? I NEED TO FILL MY LONELY OFFSEASON WITH FOOTBALL AS THERE IS LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE TO PAY ATTENTION TO!
Arena
Canadian
as much as you love Butt, i’m shocked and a little frightened that you’re not all over Jake Butt
I’m not sure if there’s a point you’re trying to make with these grades…
There is.
Look at all those times Kiper screwed up with the grades.
That Bears grade tho
They deserve it for being so, so stupid
Come again
To play devil’s advocate for Chicago, two third-rounders and a fourth isn’t some franchise-ruining king’s ransom that they gave up. It was expensive to be sure, but it’s not like they mortgaged their future for him like Washington did for RG3 or LA did for Goff, and if you think he can be your guy under center for the next 10 years, then two thirds and a fourth is a bargain. I guarantee you Kirk Cousins would’ve been out of DC months ago if three mid-round picks was all you had to give up to get him. If you think he’s a guy who can give you stability at the most important position in the game, a position it’s all but impossible to win without a good player at, three picks is nothing.
To be clear, I don’t like the trade. I still think Watson is a better quarterback, I’m always wary of one-year wonders, and with Glennon there to start 2017, you could’ve even traded back and grabbed a project like Mahomes that has a ton of talent but needs a complete rebuild of his throwing mechanics. On that note, what if Glennon is really good? Do you cut him and move on to the guy you drafted #2 overall after he had a great year, or do you let the guy you traded up for sit for a guy who was ousted by Winston? The Bears are setting themselves up for an ugly situation in 2018. But if they genuinely believe Trubisky can be the guy for them, then I don’t think it was that expensive in the long run.
BUT WHAT ABOUT TJ WATT BROTHER OF JJ WATT ISN’T HE ELITE??? ALSO ANTONIO GATES PLAYED BASKETBALL
I really hope we get a Drew Pearson comic on Tuesday
Or Bowser kidnapping Big Ben, Dr. Dalton, Mr. Andy, and the Browns QB Hydra (add Kizer plz). Only for Mario the Ref to save them
I think we can all agree that the real tragedy is that none of the other AFC North teams have an offensive lineman named Mario.
Maybe Mario Williams gains 100 pounds and heads to Cincy/Yinzburg/GPODAWUND.
I think the grades are supposed to examine how well the player seems to fit with what the team needs, and perhaps the perceived value or scheme fit.
If the Bears desperately need defensive help and they move up to draft a QB you might give them a bad grade.
I think you can justify grading picks pretty well. Scouts give prospects grades on a scale from 1-7. That’s a numeric value asigned to a guy. If you get a guy with a higher scouted grade at a lower pick you’re getting good value.
The assumption that the scout grade represents the player’s actual value is highly flawed. (See: Leaf, Ryan.) Further, great players are valuable even if the team isn’t perceived to need them.
In the 2012 draft the Seahawks took Bruce Irvin, Bobby Wagner, and Russell Wilson with their first three picks. Their draft was nearly unanimously regarded as terrible by the talking heads. NFL Network gave them a C grade, Kiper a C-, Sporting News a D, Pete Prisco a C+. Irvin was a reach, Wagner was undersized, Wilson wasn’t a need position when the team had just spent a lot of resources to land Matt Flynn (remember him?) and was too short to ever play QB anyway.
Looking back, the ‘Hawks had an excellent draft that year. The benefit of hindsight is needed to get any actual feel for how teams do in the draft, because it’s not about team needs or scheme or value…it’s about on-field production.
Also there’s the Giants 2005 draft where Kiper graded them low thinking they have too few draft to make an impact because of the 2004 draft day trade where they gave away some of those picks. In the end, we all know how they worked out.
Brady probably wished it didn’t.
And that’s the crux of their terrible draft grades. They made moves with luxury picks in a rebuilding era where you don’t have the luxury to miss. Worse yet, they atrocious at defense and in one of the most defensively talented drafts in recent history with dire needs at DB and pass rush, they go offensive heavy.
I honestly don’t know what they were thinking.
Taco in Dallas? Tex Mex!
And if anyone here read the Daily Norseman draft thread, they already saw me make that joke Thursday.
well it’s confirmed, John Elway likes Butt
i feel like Dave should’ve been the one to announce that pick
There was also Taco Wallace the receiver back in 05-06(?)
Yeah, out of Kansas State. Played for the Seahawks for a couple years, I think.
I’m fucking pissed with Miami’s draft. They needed runstoppers, corner, and a guard.
They had the chance to draft the best offensive lineman in the draft.
They passed.
Miami could’ve taken anyone from Washington’s secondary.
They passed.
They could have taken an excellent runstoppers with character issues.
They passed.
In round 2, they could have taken the best pure tackler of the past 5 years (Vandy LB Zach Cunningham).
They passed.
Instead, they took a DE that struggles in the running game and a coverage linebacker who clearly was a product of the sheer talent Ohio State had around him last year. The Harris pick pissed me off. Not taking Cunningham in round 2 was ludicrously stupid when Cunningham carried Vandy to a bowl game by being a slightly slower Derrick Brooks.
Speaking of Derrick Brooks…
This just in: Tannenbaum sucks at drafting. More at 11.
Here’s 2 vids showing what I think of Derrick Brooks’s team in 2017: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=siB98ZlCJrc and
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mrvsiEZQqAg
As you can see I was happy. I actually missed a game that happened last night between Cleveland and DC in Cleveland. The Valor lost their first ever road game 34-48 while Cleveland coach Ron Selesky won his first game since he went 3-3 as the interm coach the 2004 Carolina Cobras. (The ’03 Cobras went 0-16; are arena league version of ’08 Lions).
The other game this weekend will have just started on CBS Sports Network as Baltimore hosts their first ever home game against the 2-0 Philadelphia Soul, who are owned by Ron Jaworski. The odds makers have Philly by 14.5 with an O/U of 107.5 (61-46.5) I’ll go Philly by 21 and the under (Baltimore’s offense is barely better than Tampa’s from last year).
Oh yeah, I curse plenty in the videos.
Eagles fans are the perfect audience for the draft. Who knew?
Wake me up when the draft cards are finished
Best. Draft grades. Ever.
The Bears grade is accurate
lol
I’d like to see some old Kiper draft grades since they can be pretty entertaining. I mean I heard that Kiper hated the Giants drafting Strahan for some reason, that’s enough reason for one to look at his past grades.