Fuck analysis. Fuck scouting. Fuck game tape. Fuck mock drafts. Fuck data. Fuck mechanics. Fuck college success. Fuck every conventional way to analyze and predict a prospect. There’s more than enough of that shit to go around this time of year. You want that? Go to literally any other site and have yourself a ball. We’re here to vibe.

I’m gonna rank these dudes based entirely by the gut feelings I get when I look at their faces. When I read their names. I’ve read very little scouting about any of these guys because I don’t follow the draft that way to begin with and my philosophy has always been that every prospect can succeed but a lot of factors have to go into it working out, from coaching to talent to management to injury luck and so much more. We don’t know how these dudes are going to be at any point and all of this is shooting finger guns at ghosts in a pitch-black basement. You just root for the dude your team picks and hope for the damn best.

History tells me that as stupid as this post will be, I will still probably be dead on for at least one of these guys. Who that ends up being we will have to see! It’ll be fun to come back to this in following seasons and do the vibe check.

CALEB WILLIAMS – I find it very difficult to believe a guy with the first name Caleb will be an NFL star. That’s a rich white boy lacrosse name. Somehow, Caleb Williams the prospect is a black guy cool-ass zoomer with great vibes. I think he’s got the juice. He already pisses people off by not dressing or acting like a typical guy. He’s got swag, but it’s the good swag. Most of the criticisms I see of the guy feel forced and he doesn’t pass the vibe check for a whole host of people who themselves have bad vibes. To me that’s good vibes. Unfortunately a lot of those people are the exact fanbase of the Bears and I predict a Lamar Jackson-type scenario where Caleb is unquestionably a franchise guy and a star and maybe the best QB Chicago will ever have but a certain subset of fans will still hate him and call for the team to trade for Sam Darnold instead because Sam Darnold is more “traditional”. Caleb is doomed to be a great player on a team that spends most of his career trying to get its shit together. He will drag the Bears to playoff contention on his back but they will routinely lose in the first or second round because everything else is deeply flawed.

DRAKE MAYE – I hate his face. Caleb might be a lacrosse name but Drake is both a lacrosse name AND he has a lacrosse face. I smell bust on Maye. Can I tell you why? No. This isn’t a post about analysis. Drake feels like a guy who will go to whatever team he goes to and look medicore and everyone will blame the team around him and then a couple years in it’ll become clear that no, the problem was actually Maye the whole time. Then he’ll go become a reclamation project for a different franchise. Then he will be a career backup.

JAYDEN DANIELS – My nose sniffs RG3. Talented guy out the ass here but I watched one highlight reel of his and in between electrifying runs he would get obliterated on a tackle. That shit doesn’t last long at the NFL level. I worry about him. I think he comes out of the gate as the best prospect, slinging and scrambling that shit all over the field and then he gets a slight nagging injury and then something goes very wrong and then we spend time 3 years from now sadly wondering what could have been

JJ MCARTHY – Remember Jake Locker? Remember Christian Ponder? Remember Blaine Gabbert? Mac Jones? Ryan Tannehill? Blake Bortles? There’s no way JJ isn’t just the next version of that guy. JJ ain’t got the juice. He’s not the worst in the world, and he will be annoyingly fine at first. It’ll feel like with time he just never improves because instead of being drafted later in the 1st round to a reasonably competent team and allowed to develop he was instead overdrafted by a desperate team who couldn’t get one of the actual 3 good prospects so they hope this guy works out. JJ will never raise the bar above game manager level at best. Whenever you see him linked to a team in the draft it’s because that team really desperately needs a QB, not because JJ is that good a prospect. Thats bad vibes. If the Giants draft JJ I am going to be upset because we already have that guy, his name is Daniel Jones. Hell we have Drew Lock too.

BO NIX – Top Tier name…for a defensive player. Bo Nix plays a mean free safety. Bo Nix the QB has bust written all over him in all sorts of styles because Nike doesn’t let Oregon settle for just one uniform. He’s like if Jayden Daniels stayed somewhat more healthy but sucked and still gets hurt anyway. Bo will get drafted by somebody desperate, look terrible in camp and enter the season as QB #2 or 3, be thrust into the game for gimmick packages where he does jack shit and if he is ever forced to start will immediately throw the dumbest pick or take the dumbest sack you’ve ever seen. In 4 years you’ll see him on the sideline during a game and be like “oh shit I didn’t know (team) picked him up, when did that happen?”

MICHAEL PENIX JR – My irrational affection for a player based on nothing but vibes this year is Penix. I like Penix. I think he’s got the juice. Maybe because I just really want a guy named Penix to succeed because I am 10 years old and want to hear Al Michaels pronounce it as Penis by accident while he’s drunk on TNF. He has a scary injury history and he’s older for a prospect but watching him sling bombs to Odunze just gave me satisfaction. I feel like he’d be a much higher prospect without his injury history. I think he comes out and makes everyone wonder why teams passed on him. I have this secret fantasy where the Giants draft Odunze at #6 and then Penix tumbles to late in the first or early second and the Giants trade up to nab him and we get a Burrow/Chase situation and I finally enjoy watching my team play offense for the first time in a decade. This wont happen, but I can dream.

SPENCER RATTLER – Top tier name. Absolute banger. But that’s all he’s got going for him. He will never sniff a starting job but he’ll be around for a while, and he might even occasionally win a game in relief of somebody good.

MICHAEL PRATT – Now that’s a practice squad name if I’ve ever heard one.

JORDAN TRAVIS – I’d have more faith if he didn’t turn his leg into a fine paste before the season ended. He’s going to get shuffled into some QB backroom, learn, but never get his chance, then go to Canada or the UFL and kick ass.

AUSTIN REED – You will forget he exists by the time training camp starts.


These are my vibes. I don’t care what you think, film watcher. Tape studier. Nerd. Go be a nerd somewhere else. Real men comment what irrational feelings they get when they look at these guys.