Somewhere, in an alternate reality, Turkeys evolved to be the dominant species on earth and then invented football and eat human beings for novelty on a day in November celebrating the day the turkeys drove out and ruined the lives of the native birds. They tell jokes about how eating too much human meat makes them sleepy and they think we go good with cranberry sauce. Then they argue with each other over turkey politics. If you are a person who subscribes to the infinite universe theory, thenĀ this actually exists. Not here, but somewhere. How’s that for terror?

Football has not been great this season. Every year I want to list the things about football that I am thankful for, and this year it feels tougher because there is so much bad. Too Many Penalties. Celebration penalties. Goodell. Mediocre play across the league. bad commercials. Thursday Night Football. The number of people who think Tom Brady is the GOAT. The list of bad goes on and on.

But lets try it anyway.

I’m thankful for fat guy touchdowns. I’m thankful for bomb-ass catches. I’m thankful for silly quarterback faces. I’m thankful for the noise you hear when a football hits the upright. I’m thankful for My Team, and Every Team that beats other teams I don’t like. I’m thankful for blocked kicks. I’m thankful for amazing runs. I’m thankful for increased health awareness. I’m thankful for silly fans. I’m thankful for Kaepernick’s fro. I’m thankful for awesome defense and exciting offense. I’m thankful for gatorade baths, for flea flickers and end-arounds. I’m thankful for fumbles and the chaos that ensues. I’m thankful for Al Michaels and Jon Gruden, and that guy who does redzone. He’s pretty good. I’m thankful the Eagles didn’t draft anyone who can catch a ball.

And I’m thankful for you, dear readers, who week in and week out continue to give me motivation to draw stupid things like football playing turkeys eating humans for dinner.

Have a great holiday, there won’t be a comic Saturday so I can spend more time with my family.