Patriots Are Dangerous To Birds
FUN FACTS! The Patriots have won 5 Super Bowls, and all of them have come against animal teams. Namely, birds. The Patriots hate birds. Are you a bird team? Don’t play the Patriots in the Super Bowl or get in the way of a Super Bowl run. The Patriots beat the Ravens in the playoffs twice, once en route to a SB loss and once en route to a win. In fact, I think the only reason the Ravens have two super bowl trophies is because they can’t actually play the Patriots in the Super Bowl. The only bird team to not lose to the Patriots in the Super Bowl is the Cardinals. The least imposing bird. Nobody fears a Cardinal. They look at them and go “ooooh, look how pretty that bird is”. At least with male cardinals. Female cardinals are ugly brown birds. Women, amirite guys? Casual sexism is great.
There really isn’t much to this comic I just thought it was kind of a fun trivia fact that the Patriots have beaten all the birds. In fact, the last 3 wins came against birds. Eagles, then Seahawks, then Falcons. Naturally if the Cardinals face the Pats in a future SB you know who to bet on. Birds cannot best Brady. Brady is the bird killer. Brady is like a windmill. He turns and turns and turns and occasionally some dumbass bird hits his arm and dies. Birds are stupid and wind power is great, birds should learn how to not fly into windmills, IMO.
At least birds fare better than cat teams in the Super Bowl. Cat teams suck at winning championships. Don’t be a cat team. In fact, don’t be an animal team in general. Most Super Bowls have been won by non animal teams. Here’s a breakdown.
Bird teams – 3 SBs (Ravens 2x, Seahawks)
Cat teams – 0 SBs
other animals – 9 SBs (Bears, Rams, Dolphins 2x, Colts 2x, Broncos 3x)
Total Animals – 13 SBs
Pirates – 4 SBs (Bucs, Raiders 3x)
Outdated Professions – 20 SBs (Cowboys 5x, Steelers 6x, 49ers 5x, Packers 4x)
Trump Supporters – 5 SBs (Patriots 5x)
Large men – 4 SBs (Giants 4x)
Racism – 4 SBs (Chiefs, Redskins 3x)
War machines – 1 SB (Jets)
Religion – 1 SB (Saints)
Total Non-Animal SBs – 34 SBs
Teams that havent won yet!
Animal teams – 9 (Bills, Cards, Panthers, Texans, Eagles, Falcons, Lions, Jags, Bengals)
Non Animal teams – 4 (Vikings, Browns, Titans, Chargers)
And the Chargers could technically be considered a horse team, they used to have a horse logo.
Don’t root for animal teams. It’s a bad idea. Especially if you play the Patriots and aren’t a team called the ’85 Bears. Say no to animal teams. It’s better for your health. You don’t want Tom Brady to be the Goat, because Goats are animals and Goats don’t win. Besides that’s Trent Dilfer, he managed to carry a bird team to victory. Praise be Trent Dilfer.