The Draft is over! How did your team do? Are you happy?

I’m pretty happy with the Giants draft overall. It was irritating to watch the top 4 WRs go one after another directly before the Giants had a chance to grab any of them. Then, when the Giants traded up one spot I was very worried we were about to overdraft a lesser WR prospect. Then we drafted CB Deonte Banks. Then Schoen waited patiently in the 2nd and drafted the top-rated center on most boards with John Michael Schmitz. Then they traded up again to grab Jalin Hyatt, who somehow fell into the 3rd. The rest of the draft was a bunch of dudes all at positions of need. It feels…good to have faith in the front office again. In fact, I’d be ecstatic about the draft were it not for one problem.

The Eagles just sorta wiped the floor with everyone and for some goddamn reason, 31 other teams just let them do it. How? How did they get away with this? The recent Georgia Bulldogs championship squads featured what many considered one of the greatest college defenses of all time. 5 of them are now Eagles. From last year, Jordan Davis was a 1st rounder and Nakobe Dean fell into the 3rd and the Eagles scooped him up. This year, Jalen Carter predictably fell a little bit due to the racing scandal that threw his character into question, so the Eagles traded up for him. Then at the end of the 1st they drafted Nolan Smith. Then, once again, another guy fell deep and in the early 4th, The Roseman Menace picked Kelee Ringo. THEN, AFTER ALL THAT, the Lions traded D’Andre Swift to the Iggles because they had a weird draft and grabbed Jahmyr Gibbs. 6 Bulldogs from those Georgia powerhouse teams are now on the Eagles. Seriously how did this happen? How did all 31 other teams just let this happen? Fucking bullshit, man.

I’m not an analyst so I’m not a great source of judgment here, but a few things stood out.

-The Lions had a weird draft. They traded down, then took the second-best RB available at 12 in the first real shocker of the night. RB was not a need, but of course they would eventually trade Swift away. Jack Campbell was widely considered a reach later, but then they grabbed the top safety in Brian Branch and then grabbed…Hendon Hooker! If I was doing a chaometer for the draft, the Lions would be at the top. Wacko shit.

-4 WR’s in a row! I know this WR class was not rated highly but damn, two RBs going before the first WR was not something I expected to see ever again.

-Seahawks killed it. They usually make bonkers picks but played this year so well.

-The AFC South might start 3 rookie QBs next year. I was very impressed with the Texans, taking what many considered the top QB prospect in Stroud and then immediately trading back up for the top defensive prospect Will Anderson. The Texans are…making good football decisions. It’s weird to see after years of dumpster infernos. The Colts took Richardson, and I assume their fancy new coach from the Eagles probably wants to try the Hurts development method. Well, it worked once! The Titans had a weird draft, and Will Levis was a surprise. Tannehill is still presumably the starter but now the mentor, but they just drafted Malik Willis last year and apparently already gave up on him. To be fair, when Willis saw the field this year…he was absolutely terrible. You know when you watch a guy play for the first time and you immediately know this guy ain’t got the juice? Willis did not have the juice. Maybe they are right to send him to the bargain bin.

-The Falcons going for Bijan, lol. Bijan rules and honestly, that’s a good fit. Arthur Smith just fucking loves to run the ball.

-I was legitimately happy that Joey Porter Jr is a Steeler. Nepotism pick, but still kinda heartwarming, you know? The real question is: is Joey Porter Jr just as big of an asshole as Joey Porter was?

-I will get to the Aaron Rodgers trade/ OBJ Lamar stuff soon enough, we can resume the regular schedule now that the draft is over. At least until Tears of the Kingdom comes out and I vanish again.