Rex Ryan Watches A Horror Movie
LOOK AT HIS FEET. LOOK AT ANTONIO BROWN’S FEET. THEY ARE A HORROR SHOW.
Apparently Antonio Brown did not use proper footwear in one of those fancy rich athlete cryo-chambers and got frostbite on his feet. That’s such a diva WR thing to do. Brown probably thought he was too good for the right footwear. Maybe he couldn’t see his footwear underneath his big chest. Anyway I didn’t realize how cold those cyro-chambers actually got. It’s like a hot tub, but the opposite. …fun?
Have any of you ever used one of these things? Is it stupid? Does it work?
Freezing your feet off in a cryo-chamber is some serious 1%er dumb shit. “How did you hurt your feet, Antonio?” “well, I was standing in my $600,000 FreezePod-5000 just having a good time and then my pinkie toe broke off and I realized whoopsie, forgot my slippers!”. Maybe next time he can use the cryo-chamber to freeze off his mustache. What if we used the chamber to freeze him like it’s carbonite, keep him in the pod Walt-Disney style, then thaw him out in 10 years when the current contracts for WRs make his look puny and pathetic. Then we can watch him throw another fit to get paid. Force a trade to the Montreal Buccaneers.
Side note: I wonder how grossed out Rex Ryan was every time he went to a locker room. No shame in liking feet, but if you like feet, athletes are probably the absolute worst turn-offs. Have you ever seen athlete feet? Look at this horror show. Those are LeToes. Athletes pound their feet very hard and they are all exceptionally gross. Toes going under other toes. Callouses as far as the socks can reach. Athlete feet are disgusting.
By the time you read this the first episode of Hard Knocks should be out so please come back with your watch reports.
“By the time you read this the first episode of Hard Knocks should be out so please come back with your watch reports.”
Unfortunately, living in a barren wasteland concerning football content(if football were drugs and preseason football is crappy back alley drugs a la comic #549 from three years ago, I’m the loser addict who can’t even get a proper syringe until the regular season, which comes with one needle per one primetime game), I am completely incapable of watching Hard Knocks.
I can just guess it’s gonna be(apart from this whole AB foot frostbite fiasco) Vontaze putting on his sheep’s clothing(apparently he’s a nice guy as long as he’s not on the field, or something) while Incognito does crazy angry Incognito things, plus hopeless UDFA rookies and Gruden getting red as a tomato, so I guess I’ll just direct your attention to something else, Dave. After all, we can’t have Raiders comics all the time until the season starts(though they’re asking for it).
Apparently, our favorite superhuman defender JJ Watt took a trip to his old stomping grounds in Packers country because they had joint practice with the Texans. And while there, apparently he broke some poor Green Bay kid’s bike during some traditional event or something. Maybe something to be had there? Maybe you could use it as an intro to saying something more about Watt for once, Dave? After all, the last time you said anything was during the 2015 season or something when you called him a transcendent, HoF talent. What’s your analysis/opinions now, after almost two entire seasons wasted due to injuries and his attempt to reclaim his reputation last year?
Points for referencing the almighty Isbell.
If Brown doesn’t come back soon, Gruden may start freezing people in carbonite. Dude seemed quite peeved by this. And all I could do was laugh. AB brought drama to the Steelers!!!! Who if not for their SB wins, may be one of the more boring franchises in the league today (not counting this past season and a half).
Brown has become more than a cancer now, maybe ebola? Maybe a sequel to “Ebola Syndrome” in the works?
Is that a 2,000 Maniacs reference? If so, kudos.
Mr. Big Freeze
You’re seriously underestimating the terror potential of those feral Hogs. 😀
As someone from rural-ish Georgia, I personally reccomend keeping a tank, a few military grade drones and a mortar to ensure the safety of your children when they are playing in the yard.
You missed a trick by not putting a team or player name on the trash can.
That is one way to get out of preseason
That’s gotta be the most 1st world problem ever.
$35 must be matinee pricing.
yep have used a cryo chamber before
personally kind of meh about it, but in terms of the science behind it the jury is very much still out
so basically if $500k is literally burning a hole in your pocket then go for it i guess
Did you say Montreal Buccaneers because the Tampa Bay Rays are splitting their season in Montreal?