I can’t believe the Jets won that game. I had to go back and re-do the Chaometer on the last post to account for the absolute nonsense last night. Outstanding work by the Jets. To send Rodgers to the locker room after 4 snaps? Brilliantly set us up for the subversion of Zach Goddamn Wilson leading the Jets to a win. THE JETS! With a walkoff punt return in overtime! What a game! CHAOS REIGNS SUPREME!

We might need to have a conversation about Josh Allen and the Bills. We gave them a lot of slack, but they’ve been slumping it since at least the second half of last year. Something is rotting there.


Vikings got obliterated by the Eagles last year and I don’t see this game going any differently.
If the Vikings win, I will draw Phat Dumpy Kirk grilling some Eagle steaks

This one is tough, because the Ravens had a bit of a pyrrhic victory against the woeful Texans and I doubt the Bengals are as bad as they looked last week. So I’ll pick the home team here.
If the Ravens win, I will draw a gigantic kaiju crab destroying downtown Cincinnati

I think the Seahawks are on the road to regression. I am drinking the Lions kool-aid.
If the Seahawks win, I will draw Geno Smith vandalizing the grave of Henry Ford

I think the Colts are a bit further along in their new form than the Texans are. The Texans couldn’t reach the endzone at all against Baltimore, but the Colts actually gave Jacksonville a scare.
If the Texans win, I will draw CJ Stroud from the top rope

The Bears entered last week with a lot of hype and confidence only to look like the exact same terrible, poorly run Bears squad they looked like last year. I’m gonna be honest, I think Justin Fields won’t pan out and Eberflus was a bad hire. The Bucs aren’t good but they got a little swagger going now.
If the Bears win, I will draw Justin Fields as Winnie the Pooh

The Jaguars can probably hang with the Chiefs but I have my doubts that they can win this one. They aren’t quite there, and the Chiefs would have to have another terrible performance by the WR corps to give the Jaguars a good shot. Curious to see how the Chiefs look with Kelce and Jones back in the lineup.
If the Jaguars win, I will draw Thirst Trap Trevor as Flo from Progressive, shaming state farm

This game should tell us a lot more about the Packers than the Bears game did. I’m gonna sit quietly and give the Falcons my blessing like a fool.
If the Packers win, I will draw Jordan Love Train, the Love Train

Oh boy. The Bills might be in decline, the window already shutting. Josh Allen might be our next Philip Rivers. Something is rotten. However the Raiders still suck and the win over Denver wasn’t impressive at all.
If the Raiders win, I will draw Handsome Jimmy decked out in a Raiders zubaz suit

The Titans are bad. The Chargers will win this because they like to win games when nobody is watching.
If the Titans win, I will draw Ryan Tannehill as Barbenheimer

The Rams came out swinging against the Seahawks but the 49ers are a different breed. Stafford might die again.
If the Rams win, I will draw Matt Stafford mooning the Golden Gate Bridge

Well this looks way scarier than it did two days ago. The Giants are probably not as bad as they looked against Dallas and that game went into a nightmare scenario immediately. If they can control the clock and run the ball and not be forced to pass from behind, I think they can take care of the Cardinals.
If the Cardinals win, I will draw Daniel Jones as Prometheus, being pecked to death by Cardinals

Well if Rodgers was still in I might have picked the Jets, but I can’t in good faith trust Zach Wilson no matter how the Bills game went.
If the Jets win, I will draw Zach Wilson surrounded by Cowgirls of distinguished age

Broncos bad still. Im sticking with my “Commies start hot” prediction.
If the Broncos win, I will draw Mr Unlimited

Mac Jones, the world’s most mid-tier Quarterback. The most top-of-the-bell-curve guy you could possibly imagine.
If the Patriots win, I will draw Mac Jones as a hunter harpooning a Dolphin trying to Free Willy himself over a wall

I dunno what to make of either of these teams. I guess I’ll go Saints?
If the Panthers win, I will draw Tiny Bryce Young as the baby on a king cake

Lord help me am I going to pick the Browns? In primetime? Away? Against a hated rival? No I will not. Go Steelers.
If the Browns win, I will draw Steeley McBeam passing the Rapist QB torch to the Brownie

Both QBs as CatDog