Ringless Rivers Returns
At first, it seems absurd that I am making a Ringless Rivers comic in the year 2025. But there was actually a scenario I had written down in my ideas notepad that may have resulted in a Ringless Rivers comic in this coming year, regardless.
Philip Rivers is a HoF semi-finalist. While I think Rivers is going to be trapped in the same perpetual “just outside the door” purgatory that his companion Eli is trapped in, there is of course a chance he actually makes it in. Rivers had a better career statistically than Eli. Not remarkably better, but better. His lack of postseason credentials is his main hangup, operating as a sort of dark twin to Eli. But modern football writers are increasingly dedicated solely to the god of data, so there is not an unreasonable chance that they give Rivers extra credit and sneak him in because his data chart looks a little nicer.
Should Rivers get in, he would have been first out of the famous 2004 3. Eli is stuck outside for now, and Ben isn’t eligible yet, though he will likely get in soon enough. This would have been the scenario that would have taken my longest-running joke full circle: Rivers gets the gold jacket before his two oppressors. It would be a well-tied bow on an old joke.
Rivers has likely gone and fucked that all up in the name of ring chasing. Truth is funnier than jokes.
This is not the Ringless Rivers comic I expected to make in 2025. I can’t believe I am dusting off the classic best of DP hits to make a legacy sequel for this joke.
Provided Rivers actually signs to the active Colts roster (expected at time of writing), that resets his HoF eligibility back another 5 years. And it puts the 44-year-old LITERAL GRANDFATHER back on an NFL roster. He has rejoined his sunset year franchise, the Indianapolis Colts.
The Colts are in a death spiral. After a great start, the Colts have hit a wall, and they’ve hit it at full speed. The resurgent Daniel Jones, in the midst of finally receiving true appreciation, suffered a broken fibula and that likely resulted in him putting too much pressure on his other leg to compensate. His Achilles snapped. Thanks to Anthony Richardson also dealing with injury and 3rd stringer Riley Leonard hurt, the Colts were suddenly put in a very bad position.
One of the top offenses in the league is entering a stout defense section of the schedule. The @Seahawks, 49ers, Jaguars, and @Texans. The Texans game may very well decide if the Colts even make the playoffs, if the previous 3 games go poorly. This is not the time of season to lack a functional player at the most important position in sports. So…uh…go wake up Grandpa!
I genuinely do not know what to expect out of Rivers, should he actually play. He obviously has plenty of experience and the team will certainly rely on the run game to minimize pressure on the old man. I guess this is the most exciting part. I do not think this hail mary has much chance of working out in the long term. But there’s always a chance that in two months I am making a Ringed Rivers comic, so hope springs eternal.
While the ring chasing is always a piece of it, listening to him speak it just seems like he wants the chance to ball again with the boys. Out of all the legacy chasing QBs out there, he might be the actual one that means it.
It’s still hilarious that Newton didn’t get the call. We all know why Kaep didn’t.
I think the reason Phillip got the call is solely because he knows the system already. Anyone else, ranging from journeymen to Newton don’t. And kaep has been out way longer than Rivers at this point.
Meanwhile, Tannehill’s been retired like, what, a month? Okay, RR knows the system, but RT17 would surely be in way better shape.
We’ll sign Tannemillions to a 1-day in like 2 months. Also, this is probably the only time in my entire life I will root for the Colts. Go get them RR.
Jon Bois is going to be making a 4-part “Get Philip Rivers into the HOF” video series in like 20 years isn’t he.
That series was one of my first thoughts on seeing this news.
Also, Dave, you should probably update Cry Me a Rivers Part 1 & Part 2 to include the Ringless Rivers tag.
Schaub is my favorite part of the Ringless Rivers bit.
So you’re saying there a chance. *slowly pulls ou bumblebee Ben rothesburger jersey*
Also why TF Is Ben here lol. shouldn’t he be telling Tomlin to go to pen state?
I think they should’ve gone for the Hail Mary play and signed Nick Foles.
A fun, classic comic! Love it!
No way Rivers would have made it in before Eli. You’re completely right that many younger NFL writers are obsessed over stats, I imagine the voters are the older crew who consider a players whole career and impact to the league.
Considering the totality of their careers is the argument in favor of Rivers, not Manning. Eli’s durability, and post season successes are the only things that favor him in comparison to Rivers.
I understand that Giants fans will want to defend their guy, but dang y’all got some revisionist history going on. Or insensitivity to sample size. Or some of y’all straight up didn’t watch Rivers play.
Nah, Eli’s overall career has a bigger impact as a whole then Rivers did. Beating Brady and that Pats in the 07 Super Bowl alone puts him ahead. If anything I if Rivers hadn’t retired I think the HoF for the three would’ve gone like this. Ben gets in first, likely his first year as he has both the stat’s and super bowl wins, Rivers gets in seconda few years after Ben while Eli eventually gets in due to his Super Bowl wins.
I don’t want him to succeed too much because I’m a Broncos fan who grew up in the Plummer years so I hate the guy, but Rivers coming back and just smoking the Seahawks would be VERY funny
I hope we get a follow up with every retired and washed out QB complaining that they would have done better.