Chip Kelly Plays Pokemon
Here is a list of Pokemon that Chip Kelly likes.
Clefairy, Clefable, Jigglypuff, Wigglytuff, Meowth, Persian, Psyduck, Mankey, Primeape, Ponyta, Rapidash, Slowpoke, Slowbro, Seel, Dewgong, Electrode (Not Voltorb, he of the red head), Eevee, Mr. Mime, Ditto, Mewtwo, Mew, Chansey.
Here is a list of pokemon that Chip Kelly finds vaguely uncomfortable and wouldn’t let his kids play with on a playground.
Jynx, Hitmonlee, Hitmonchan, Diglett, Dugtrio, Gastly, Haunter, Gengar, Sandshrew and Sandslash, Abra, Kadabra, Alakazam, Machop Machoke and Machamp, Kangaskan, Gloom, and probably others. The biggest is Jynx.
Jynx was one of those stupid Pokemon. The best Pokemon looked or felt like cartoon versions of real animals, Jynx, Mr. Mime and a few others were dumb humanish pokemon and nobody used them. I played the original games as a kid and I loved em. Blue Version 4 life, Squirtle was the coolest and best starter, Articuno was the best legendary bird, Caterpie was better than Weedle and Vaporeon was the best Eevee form. Hitmonlee was way cooler than Hitmonchan and the best fossil was the one that turned into Omanyte. Also Diglett and Dugtrio were secretly the best pokemon in the game because you could just dig and avoid all the enemy attacks. Also cool kids always named their rival Fart face. The Original 150 are the best, every subsequent generation is a joke and the Pokemon got dumber and dumber as they ran out of animals to emulate so we got stuff like this piece of crap. Seriously what is that? I guess it’s not too bad, nothing will ever be as ugly as Mr. Mime, the pokemon that probably gave children phobias about clowns.
Also Jynx was totally a racist caricature when the game came out. They had to change her to purple. Kind of unfortunate that Japan didn’t quite learn their lesson from another character in a beloved Children’s show: Dragon Ball Z’s Mr. Popo. Mr. Popo is very uncomfortable to look at these days.
Anyway Chip Kelly secretly being a racist is one of my favorite rumors.
Interesting, I was actually just at Levi’s Stadium today.
There was a Charizard by Gate G.
“Blue Version 4 life, Squirtle was the coolest and best starter, Articuno was the best legendary bird, Caterpie was better than Weedle and Vaporeon was the best Eevee form.”
Dave I am shocked
The only one of these things that was true was Caterpie being better than Weedle and that’s only because bees suck
yeah, you gotta go Charmander cause there weren’t a lot of fire pokemon like there where fire & Grass. Sure the first 2 gyms sucked, but it was roll tide after that.
water* & grass
Charmander is overrated and Squirtle is the best, even math agrees with me: http://kotaku.com/the-best-starting-pokemon-according-to-science-1450191476
Charmander was good against the Grass gym lady but Squirtle wrecked Brock, the Fire gym, and Giovanni, and he was really only bad against the Grass gym. All you needed against Lt. Surge was a single mid level Diglett (Diglett rules anyway). Bug pokemon did Super damage against Grass, so you didn’t need a fire type to take out grass pokemon. By that gym I usually had an Arcanine anyway.
Vaporeon is the best Eevee evolution for gym battles, but it’s not great for fighting other Vaporeons. The attacks aren’t very effective, but at least the hp is good. Weedles are everywhere and they are essentially half a step above useless.
Luvdisc looks a bit like a mola mola to me.
Vaporeons are alright for attacking other vaporeons just because water gun is such a good attack, and defending pokemon have their rate of attacking capped. I’ve beaten a 1832 with a 1280, and that was without dodging its hydro pumps
Athough I agree that it definitely looks racist, if you look up “Game Theory: Pokemon Racism, Jynx Justified” on YouTube, it explains what Jynx is truly based on. It doesn’t really help, of course – she’s still creepy.
Dave, you are wrong Jolteon is the best eevee form.
Treecko and gen 3 for life Honen represent.
Sceptile for Smash
I know I’m a month late, but happy 25th anniversary to the sonic the hedgehog series, which I’m a huge fan of (the games, adventure 1 being the best, secret rings being the worst. Still waiting for adventure 3)
Sonic is technically on topic because I think he cannonically replaced Chip Kelly at Oregon (if the draw play has a canon)
Jynx: pretty much blackface, because the Japanese are way more racist than us and don’t even pretend to be anything else…
That is very true. The Japanese are as politically incorrect as they come.
The hate women with the best of them as well. Although my understanding is that there is some progress being made in that area (by their standards at least).
Man, you’ll write comics about anything during the offseason, huh? Have no fear, training camps are almost here.
I’m confused
Also Brandon Marshall posted a photo of him in Chicago with Ryan Fitzmagic
Pokemon Go has ruined my life and I don’t even play it
Breaking news: Chip Kelly accused of throwing a battle against a Jynx, deliberately losing. Witnesses say “he did not want to catch that Pokemon.” Reporters were able to get a statement from Jynx later on, who said “There’s a reason he released all of the dark-colored Pokemon like that.”
Wouldn’t Jynx’s statement just be “Jynx. Jynx Jynx. Jynx? Jynx!”? Or are you interpreting for those of us who don’t speak Jynx?
Xhoven is actually a mewtwo in disguise
“A” mewtwo? You only have one of them
Yep, the offseason killed Dave.
It amuses me that us westerners tsk-tsk and shake our heads at Jynx while Brock, the actual racist caricature in Pokemon is a beloved character. Not that Jynx doesn’t have racist undertones, it does… In the West. Like most Pokemon, Jynx is a mishmash of ideas and concepts. Jynx is based on an opera singer, a Japanese mountain demon called Yama-uba, the ganguro girls, and… blackface. And yes, blackface has racist connotations here in the west, especially in America. It doesn’t have any such connotations in Japan, whose interactions with black people have been really limited. At least, it didn’t back in the 90s when Pokemon was developed. To them, blackface was just a funny quirk in American media.
Brock, on the other hand, was straight up a racist caricature of Pacific Islanders. Narrow eyes? Check. Dark skin? Check. No-good deadbeat dad? Check. Tons of siblings? Check. That’s basically the list of negative stereotypes the Japanese have of Pacific Islanders. The Japanese pulled Brock after the first season of the cartoon because they thought that we would find him offensive, and were shocked to find that he was a fan favourite, while the Pokemon with western tropes was the one we found offensive.
It also seems a bit arrogant to presume that a lowly game developer in some basement on the western end of Tokyo trying to get Nintendo to publish their game locally cared about the problems that a huge animation studio on the other end of town was having halfway across the world, and a tad racist to lump all of them together as “the Japanese”.
I had no idea Brock was a caricature, that’s interesting. Really only the eyes seemed racist to me. I just thought he was a tan dude, no idea he was supposed to be a pacific islander.
I don’t know, characters who always closes their eyes seems to be a staple in anime.
I think that pink blob thing is supposed to be a moa, that giant flat sunfish
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ocean_sunfish
Still looks like ass.
Mr. Popo is genie. How many black genies were offended
A genie designed in a way that looks exactly like old racist blackface
Dragon Ball Z predates Pokemon by almost a decade.
Luvdisc is based on the discus fish, but because it’s a pokemon, it’s name is a pun and it is technically also shaped like a heart.
(FYI Joltik, the bets pokemon, is a jumping spider/hamster hybrid and came out after the original 151 pokemon, so you’re flat wrong)
I enjoyed pokemon through the first 4 generations and then it just lost me. The pokemon master inside me died when I saw Vanilluxe.
You should see that one key pokemon from Gen 6.
http://www.pokemonxy.com/_ui/img/_en/art/Klefki-Pokemon-X-and-Y.jpg
I was hoping you’d do a cartoon about Aldon Smith’s latest escapade. Oh well.
Helix fossil guide me.
“and the best fossil was the one that turned into Omanyte”
PRAISE HELIX!
Then you see Probopass http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Probopass_(Pok%C3%A9mon)
Holy shit that’s an actual pokemon? Hahaha wow even if that didn’t look like a Jewish joke it’s so dumb looking
Holy shit someone else found out about how awesome Diglett / Dugtrio was. That was always one of my final 6. I’d use it (them?) to beat Sabrina because the game was broken about ghost pokemon being dual ghost / poison (which was weak to psychic).
I had always used Jolteon to beat Sabrina. 1) It had pretty good special and speed, 2) It can learn Pin Missile, which due to gen 1’s broken typing meant it had a type advantage against Psychic.
That said, Psychic type was definitely broken in Gen 1, and is part of why Special got split into its own attack and defense in Gen 2…
As a refutation to your assertion that all new pokemon are stupid, I present Haxorous (http://tinyurl.com/hn7blw4).
As a refutation to the “original 151 are best” argument, I present a pile of goo that evolved into a bigger pile of goo (grimer), two magnets and a ball that evolves into six magnets and three balls(magnemite), a pokeball that evolves into an upside down pokeball (voltorb), and a seal that evolves into a bigger seal (Seel, they didn’t even name it well), a lump in the ground and evolves into three lumps in the ground (Diglett, come at me), and a crab that evolves into a bigger crab (Krabby, again, they didn’t even name it well).
Why does the dumb dragonite rip off have a double sides axe blade for a head, how does it eat
I could ask the same question of Diglett and Dugtrio, none of them have mouths.
I really don’t buy the “Chip Kelly is rayciss” thing but I do love me some pokeman references.
I know I’m late but speaking of Dragon Ball, does anyone remember Staff Officer Black?