The ’85 Patriots
If you are under the age 35, hell, maybe even under the age of 40, it might be strange to think about the Patriots as a nothingburger franchise. But that’s what the Patriots were for a long time. Before Bill Parcells and Drew Bledsoe dragged the team into relevance as an appetizer before the Tom Brady buffet, the Patriots weren’t even loveable losers. They were like how we view the Cardinals or Titans. They exist. We remember them when they are on TV. They had a good season once that you might remember. Chances are, even if you are old enough to remember, you forgot they even reached a Super Bowl prior to the 90’s.
The Patriots were formed in 1960 as part of the AFL. They experienced a grand total of 1 good year in the AFL, reaching the championship game in 1963, when they would lose to the San Diego Chargers, to date the Chargers lone league championship. Considering the AFL had a grand total of 10 teams at their peak, being this unsuccessful is pretty remarkable.
They would be irrelevant all throughout the rest of the 60’s and into the post-merger era of the 70’s and early 80’s. They managed two total playoff appearances in the 70’s (‘76 and ‘78), both years ending without a playoff win. In 1985, things finally turned.
The Pats managed to sneak into the playoffs as a wildcard. They had to go on the road against the Jets, the other wildcard. They managed to earn their first playoff win since 1963. Then the Pats went on the road to Los Angeles to beat the top seeded Raiders. Then they had to go to Miami to play the highly favored 2 seed Dolphins. The Patriots had lost to Miami in a nailbiter in week 15, and had beaten them in week 9. The Dolphins were the only team all season to defeat the upcoming Super Bowl NFC opponent, the Bears.
The Patriots pulled it off. They ran the ball 59 times. It was one of the biggest upsets in NFL history at the time it occurred. They simply ground the Dolphins into paste on the line in a way that would make your grandpa proud. They had become relevant for the first time in over 20 years. It was one of the best Cinderella runs we’ve seen a team have. All they had to do was win one more game and they could go down in history.
There’s a good chance that before this post you didn’t even know or remember the Patriots were the ‘85 Bears opponent. Super Bowl losers are always destined to face the dark void of irrelevance, fading into memory as “the other team”. It is even worse for those teams who face legendary squads as the final sacrifice. The ‘85 Bears are NFL royalty. Most of you reading this probably weren’t alive to witness them, or were at the very least too young to remember them well, and yet they live on as icons. The Super Bowl was a formality in their triumph, a stupid dance video they made was more memorable than their opponent.
The Bears disemboweled the Patriots 46-10. The team that ran the ball down Miami’s throat for 255 yards was held to seven (SEVEN) total rushing yards. The 36-pt margin of victory was a then-record. Believe it or not, the Patriots even led at one point, scoring a field goal after a very early Bears fumble. They would not score again until the 4th quarter, long after they were pronounced dead by everyone watching.
The Bears would gain a moment of history that reverberates to this day as Chicago’s greatest moment of sports glory (if you ignore other sports). They haven’t won a Super Bowl since, and only managed to appear one other time as a sacrifice to Peyton Manning. The Patriots would slip back into total irrelevance for another decade. Eventually Bill Parcells and Drew Bledsoe would right the ship and set them on course before both coach and QB got replaced by goats and we all know what happened next.
Stories like the Patriots history are why fans always have hope. Hope that maybe the next couple of decisions can reverse the fortunes of a franchise that has spent decades as filler. The Patriots spent 35 years as a joke with a couple of respectable seasons. At this point in time, I think very few of us would be upset if they slipped into another 35-year coma. Bears fans would kill just to have one more moment of glory to hold onto.
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This comic idea was brought to me by Draw Play Patreon member ItsDaMan28. Thank you to everyone who has joined in the previous 2 weeks, I couldn’t do this without you.
“New England! The Patriots and we! We’ll beat the Bears… 100-3!”
I still remember their attempt at a Super Bowl Shuffle. lol
Ah, c’mon, Normie, if yah gonna invoke that kind of pain on someone, yah gotta do it PROPAH.
youtube.com/watch?v=HEOj-IoIgXo
I remember because I was in a $100 SB sweep at work based on the last number of the combined score. My number was 4 and it was 44-10 late in the 4th when, for no good reason whatsoever, that almighty dipshit Steve Grogan dropped back in his own end zone and got sacked for a safety, and I waived bye-bye to a hundred bucks. I was so furious that I sent him an invoice for that $100 and called him dickflute. He didn’t reply. I want to slap his ugly face.
The pre-Parcells Patriots did at least get get to live in infamy with Tecmo Super Bowl players as one of the clear two worst teams in the game (along with the Colts)… and the only team whose backup QB (Marc Wilson) was a clear upgrade over their starter (Steve Grogan). The TSB Pats had better receivers (Irving Fryar, Hart Lee Dykes before Irving Fryar injured him) than the TSB Colts, but with Grogan playing that advantage was completely negated by his easily intercepted mortar shot passes. At least with the TSB Colts, Jeff George had the courtesy to throw his laser beam passes out of bounds, where the other team won’t catch them either.
I love that the bear is shuffling into the locker room.
PS: In case you, like me, were wondering, 85 on the 85 Bears was WR Dennis McKinnon. He was targeted once in the Super Bowl and didn’t catch it.