The Draw Play

THE WEEK IN CHAOS

Bad weather brings out a particular divide amongst fans. The Purist, and the Chaos..ist? Better represented as the Domers and the Anti-Domers. Purists, or Domers, want their football as pure strain as possible. They want every game to be Fox only, No Items, Final Destination. No additional factors, as minimal chaotic elements as can be, to make sure that the game played is as pure strain football as possible. That’s why they call for every game to be in a climate controlled dome and get really upset when bad weather rolls in, and makes the football “bad”. These individuals tend to be statistics enthusiasts, data nerds, and hardcore film analysts. It makes sense, these people watch and judge their football based on these data points and factors, and stuff like inclement weather introduces a lot of unknowns you cannot account for or properly judge. Dorks hate variables.

Then there are people like me, who would rather play on one of the stupid smash levels with items turned up to max because that’s way more fun. Does it mean external factors have more effect on the game and maybe not give us the best possible ball? Sure, but that’s part of the fun. By Football Quality standards, Pats/Boncos sucked. As a spectacle of entertainment, I had a great time. You’ll never get pure strain football for a number of reasons and part of being great is handling all kinds of adverse elements. You couldn’t tell what yard line the plays were on. The Patriots uniforms vanished into the snow like the wind. Kicks flew all over the place. Players slipped like cartoon characters. You aren’t going to convince me that wasn’t fun to watch. I’ve seen a lot of boring or bad games happen in ideal controlled conditions. I think I’ve always enjoyed when the weather adds that additional stupid factor. Plus, let’s be honest: the snow didn’t start until the middle third quarter, and the game was quite stinky well before then.

The real chaos factor that ruined this game was Jarrett Stidham, which we were stuck with either way. I think the Broncos win this game with Nix. The Patriots fell back on what has worked in the previous two playoff games: pressure the QB and wait for them to fuck up. It worked again. Stidham beat them on a deep ball early but the Pats locked in and Stidham’s inexperience was on display. Indecisiveness and panic set in, and the Patriots functionally won when Stidham made his big mistake before halftime, giving the Pats the ball in the redzone. The Broncos going for it on 4th early with a very stupid play also may have cost Denver the game later on, because they never scored again after that first TD. Once the weather turned the Patriots managed to run the ball better than Denver, and that was all they needed. The Patriots are back. All of those kindergarteners who have never seen a Super Bowl must be thrilled.

Our second game had more scoring, if you need that to feel alive. It was a thrilling back-and-forth with both teams balling out on offense, making you kinda forget these teams are supposed to have good defenses. Seattle looked to take off early but the Rams mostly kept pace, nipping just at their heels anytime Seattle pulled ahead further. Eventually though it just wasn’t enough. A bad mistake by the Rams special teams gave Seattle a big scoring opportunity, and a tough Seattle stop on 4th down with 3 minutes left and subsequent clock eating drive by the Hawks left the Rams with no time for miracles.

CHAOS OF THE WEEK
Jarrett Stidham effectively lost the game on one extremely stupid mistake. 

CHAOTIC MOMENTS OF THE WEEK
–Look at this juke by Kenneth Walker
–What a biff by the Rams punt returner

THE VIBE CHECK
-Obviously for this particular matchup, both teams vibes are high. But what about everyone watching them?

The Super Bowl is in Levi’s. 49er fans have to watch the Seahawks or Patriots win in their building. Rancid vibes. Jets fans have to watch the Patriots or Sam Darnold win. Rancid vibes. I’m sure the Vikings fans are having a good time watching Sammy reach the Super Bowl while NINE steps on legos in the locker room.

The Chargers fired Roman and possibly hired Mike McDaniel (should he not take a HC job). That’s an upgrade! The Steelers hired Mike McCarthy! That’s rough buddy! The Bills are imploding in spectacular fashion! Oh no! The Eagles fired Patullo, good! The Packers hired Gannon as DC to replace the Dolphins hiring Haftley…okay? The Falcons hired Stefanski…great! Falcons fans are unhappy about it but I think that’s a good hire. The Harbaugh hire has Giants fans extremely optimistic. The Lions replaced their OC with Drew Petzig, and the fans are…displeased. They could have had McDaniel and they chose this guy? Why?

The Raiders are going to get cornball supreme Mendoza as their QB, but we don’t know who he is playing for yet. The Ravens hired Chargers DC Jesse Minter. Good pick, imo. Ravens need to shore up the defense, the offense is in better shape. The Titans picked Robert Saleh. I like Saleh and I think his Jets chance got derailed for the Annoying One, but I don’t think this was a good fit.

The Browns, Raiders, and Cardinals don’t have a coach yet. One of them will get Kubiak. But it goes to show you these 3 organizations look like bad places to work.

THE NFL HAS AN OFFICIATING PROBLEM of the week
Another Rams NFCCG, another missed DPI? Darnold sails a ball to the sideline and the ball is borderline catchable, but it shouldn’t matter because the Rams guy shoved Shaheed from behind well before the ball arrives. If they ruled that uncatchable despite the ball hitting him in the head with his feet still on the line, that’s horseshit. And to be honest? A ball being uncatchable shouldn’t just allow a defender to hit a WR early anyway. That should have been called. If you commit a flagrant penalty, you commit a penalty, the quality of the throw shouldn’t matter.

Thankfully this time it didn’t have a major impact on the game.

CACKLES OF THE WEEK
SOMEONE CHECK THE FIELD FOR BANANA PEELS

BIG OOF OF THE WEEK
Woolen you fucking idiot. I hate taunting penalties and think this was stupid, but he basically walked to the Rams sideline and practically begged them to throw a flag by jawing at them for too long. The TD throw over him on the next play was a Mortal Kombat brutality.

CHAOS WATCH
I feel like after a year of underestimating and dismissing the Patriots I’ve placed myself in the weird position of being one of the few people who is not automatically dismissing them now. The Patriots absolutely have a chance to win this game. They may not have faced an offense this solid in the playoffs (or even the regular season) yet, but their own defense has done everything they needed to do up to this point. The team is battle-tested against 3 top defenses in the playoffs. They have put severe pressure on all 3 guys so far, and I have no reason to assume they won’t do the same to Darnold. Unironically I think the Rams offense would have been the worse matchup for NE out of the two NFC teams.

Darnold acquitted himself admirably (or should I say Admiraly) against the Rams pressure but pressure still tends to be what hurts him. There’s no guarantee he’s busted every ghost yet, and if the Patriots can disrupt him, that’s a problem.

FRAUD WATCH
I’m done underestimating the Patriots at this point, they deserve to be here. But in the off chance they get throttled in the Super Bowl (I do not think they will), I can tell you exactly what the narrative will be: a soft path through the playoffs because of the offenses they faced. The Chargers, Texans, and Broncos all successfully stymied the Patriots offense well enough to win. But the offenses of all 3 of those teams were shit. The Chargers were very injured on the line and poorly coached, the Texans were poorly coached, injured, and their QB fell apart. The Broncos were forced to start a QB with no experience with shitty weather. If this defense suddenly gets shredded in the Bowl, we’ll know this slate of opponents was a bit illusory.

GIANTS CORNER
Harbaugh is doing pretty much exactly what I was hoping he would: gut the building of all the legacy employees. Arguably the biggest flaw within the Giants organization was the inability to self-evaluate and address festering problems within the team. This is the true value of Harbaugh. He spent years in a functional, effective organization. Now he’s been given free rein to make genuine changes in the building, and he’s doing so.

I don’t know if any of this actually pans out. There’s obviously a chance it doesn’t. It could even get worse. What makes me happy is that the Giants are trying. This would not be happening with Stefanski or McCarthy, or any other new hire. Also Joe Schoen effectively got his ass demoted.

SNUFF FILM OF THE WEEK
Two games this week, both entertaining for different reasons, no snuffs.

DISAPPOINTMENT DUCK
Again, this category doesn’t really work with two games, so I’ll pick a play instead. Sean Payton going for it on 4th down early with a shitty pass outside instead of a run up the middle or taking the 3 points may have cost them the game.

MOST UNWATCHABLE TEAM OF THE WEEK
Either offense in Denver/New England. Can’t even blame the snow, that shit sucked before it arrived.

CARTOONS!

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DA SUPABOWL

PATRIOTS vs SEAHAWKS

We got two weeks to discuss it but I am also of the belief this is Seattle’s game to lose. I do not think Seattle is going to have an easy time of it, and I think the Patriots offense will do better than they did against Houston or Denver. The weather was bad in both of those games and the Rams performed well enough against Seattle’s D too.

The biggest and most important question here is the Patriots defense facing an offense with actual scoring ability. They got away with some weak offenses so far. I think the Pats offense can do well enough to keep pace with Seattle…if they can mostly hold Seattle down. If the Seahawks can move the ball on this Pats (especially on the ground) the Patriots are in trouble.

Drake Maye is the truth and the Patriots coaching staff is brilliant and experienced. I give them the edge there. Drake’s inexperience and general lack of production in the playoffs thus far is a concern though. Darnold didn’t need to do much against the 49ers, but he balled out against LA. They’ve also had more experience with Levi’s Stadium, as minor as that is.

This matchup in general makes me groan, I didn’t want to see either of these teams nor have them face each other, but I am genuinely excited for the game and I think it has the potential to be pretty good. I think the Seahawks are just a bit too powerful and win something like 34-28, with most of the scoring coming in the second half after a low-scoring first half.

 

I do not have ideas for the two bets yet, so feel free to request anything.