The Draw Play

THE WEEK IN CHAOS
–That was honestly a fairly routine divisional round. Playoff football is just fun! Unless you root for the 49ers. You probably didn’t have much fun.

Bills/Boncos got us off to a good start with a classic. The Bills have a heartbreaking loss every year and somehow every one feels like it hurts worse than the last one. This was an extremely winnable game by Buffalo and they choked it. Josh Allen could not stop giving the ball away. If he doesn’t have that stupid fumble before halftime that gave Denver a free 3 points, Buffalo wins in regulation. I wish I could trade the Bills for Denver anyway, because the victory was pyrrhic for the Boncos. Poor Bo.

Then Seattle ran back the opening kick against the 49ers and it didn’t get better from there. It was our first true total ass-whooping of these playoffs. I think the injuries finally caught up with San Francisco and they got roasted by a very hungry Seattle team. Darnold didn’t even have to pass the ball.

As far as I’m concerned the Pats have justifiably answered the questions and there’s not much left to be skeptical of. Their offense has struggled these past two weeks but the defense has made up for the deficiencies. The Texans were without their best tackle and #1 WR, but even then the Texans offense was atrocious. We may have crowned Stroud too early. He had the yips and was throwing garbage balls over and over. He’d try to force passes and get picked off. He’d miss wide open guys. Meanwhile Bryce Young on the Panthers has made improvements year over year…did the Panthers do it right?

Then we have…well, you know the team.

CHAOS OF THE WEEK
–It breaks my heart to know we are now officially done with the chaos Bears miracle run. But they gave us one last show for the ages. When Chicago failed on 4th down with 3 minutes left, I could feel the chaos rising once more. There is electricity in the air. The Bears got the ball back and you could tell. Something was going to happen. Something wild. The Bears get stuck on 4th down, the Rams rush Caleb, he runs backwards 20 yards and heaves up a prayer that falls incomplete in every other game except this one, where Cole Kmet catches it to tie the game.

Overtime didn’t go well but man, thank you for this moment, Bears. One more miracle for the road. 

CHAOTIC MOMENTS OF THE WEEK
–The best catch of the weekend and the instant any Houston chance evaporated

THE VIBE CHECK
– I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a playoff win get such an immediate gut punch like Denver did. The Bo Nix news came out so fast after the win it felt like whiplash, like someone had tweeted fake news and everyone bought it.

-THE NFL HAS AN OFFICIATING PROBLEM of the week
-The end of Bills/Broncos was classic ref inconsistency. After a pretty well-called game overall in which the refs largely let the guys play, we suddenly get TWO massive DPI calls on the Bills right after each other, the second of which more or less sealing the game. In a vacuum, both of these calls are acceptable. But penalties don’t happen in a vacuum, and considering what the refs had let happen without issue for 60+ minutes? They felt like horseshit. The Bills should have had a couple DPIs before this if these plays are the “standard”, and Denver should have had a couple too. But for whatever reason the Refs decide to pick late into overtime to suddenly change how they feel. Then instead of a thriller ending, we get a big wet fart where Denver walks it off with ease no thanks to their own play.

It just sucks to see another good playoff game end like this. In recent memory we can recall the Eagles/Chiefs 1st Super Bowl with the hold on Bradberry, or the Rams/Bengals with the similar penalty, both being penalties that were let go all game only to suddenly get flagged at the end. It’s one of the worst feelings to see a great game end in such a fashion, and it’s one of the things that has led people down the path of believing the NFL is rigged. The refs need to do more than get the calls right, they need to officiate with consistency as best they can so this shit doesn’t happen and we aren’t left with a sour aftertaste to a delightful meal. 

CACKLES OF THE WEEK
–MOOSE NO WHAT ARE YOU DOING

BIG OOF OF THE WEEK
–CJ NO WHAT ARE YOU DOING
-Honestly basically every other Texans offensive play made me oof

CHAOS WATCH
–None of us have expectations for Jarrett Stidham, so this is his chance to do something very funny. Otherwise I think we can assume we are getting a SB with the new Patriots rematching two teams they’ve beaten before. Pretty boring result, even if these particular Patriots are all fresh out of the can and not part of the old dynasty.

FRAUD WATCH
–The Broncos do not scare me. They barely beat a Bills team that was very stupid.

GIANTS CORNER
–hell yeah

People clown on the Giants (rightfully so) for being smug about their historical significance as a franchise and being “classy” organization and whatnot, but I think that very reputation is one of the few things the team genuinely has going for it, deserving or no. I think it genuinely played a part in nabbing Harbaugh. Think about it. His other two main options appeared to be the Titans and Falcons. Do either of those franchises have much history to be proud of? Any culture to pretend they cultivate? Not really. When I saw Atlanta and Tennessee were the Giants main competition, I knew the Giants would have to fuck up to a historical degree to not win the bidding war. They did not.

I don’t know what to expect from Harbaugh and my expectations aren’t high. There’s just as much chance this goes poorly and we gave all this power to a guy who was overrated and bolstered by a smart front office, which we do not have.

But I’d be lying if I wasn’t also optimistic. Harbaugh is a culture shift hire. Even Joe Schoen is expendable now and likely reduced in power. If Harbaugh can build a good foundation in the org by showing what long, positive experience can bring, that’s something the team needs.

Maybe I’ll also get watchable football again.

SNUFF FILM OF THE WEEK
-I was very, very wrong about the 49ers having upset vibes. Holy moley. The Seahawks smoked em. 

DISAPPOINTMENT DUCK
–I saw far too many people picking the Texans to win in Foxboro. I’ve been skeptical of the Pats all year and I still didn’t really see it. The Texans offense is awful. They have no line, no WRs, and Stroud sucks. So maybe the Texans didn’t personally disappoint me, but they sure disappointed a lot of other people who had far too much faith in pure defense.

MOST UNWATCHABLE TEAM OF THE WEEK
–49ers, thank you for knocking off Philly last week, that was cool of you. Now get off my screen, woof.

CARTOONS!

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BETS FOR NEXT WEEK

RAMS @ SEAHAWKS
The first time these two met Sam had a meltdown in a winnable game. The second time they met the Seahawks pulled off a bullshit miracle win, maybe the best game of the year. So what now? If we have to go by Divisional round performance, nobody left looks better than Seattle.
If the Seahawks win, I will draw Sam Darnold, first to the top over Lamar, Baker, Allen, and Rosen
If the Rams win, I will draw Matthew Stafford as Goku

PATRIOTS @ BRONCOS
If Bo Nix was alive, I think the Broncos have the edge. With Jarett Stidham back there, this is just going to be the third game in a row the Patriots offense struggles but wins anyway because the defense shuts down the ineffective and shitty offense of the opponent.
If the Patriots win, I will draw Drake Maye slapping that Kayshon Boutte
If the Broncos win, I will draw Jarrett Stidham having a nice pint with Nick Foles and Jeff Hostetler.