The Draw Play

THE WEEK IN CHAOS
–Alright. We’re back on the board. After a couple of weak weeks we at least had some silliness to enjoy, even if the outcomes weren’t that crazy.

Vikings/Chargers went about as expected, but it might have featured the ugliest QB management I’ve witnessed. JJ McCarthy was deemed not healthy to start and I am not surprised by that. High ankle sprains are serious and take a while to recover from, and I’m guessing that the Vikings didn’t want to risk starting him on a short week. So they threw Carson Wentz out there, despite Wentz having his own injuries, and Wentz was punished so badly that I felt genuinely awful for him. Well after the game was out of hand they kept sending Wentz back out there to suffer even more instead of just giving Max Brosmer the garbage time reps. I have no idea why. A lot of people think JJ was soft-benched. I think Kevin O’Connell has just mismanaged the QB position horrifically. There’s no real justification for keeping Wentz in there when he was playing horribly AND suffering that much. McCarthy has officially gotten the week 9 start and Wentz got season ending surgery. I don’t know what was going on in

The Sunday slate was alright. We had some stupid. The Bills “Got Right” by slaughtering Carolina, and James Cook ran roughshod over them and could have gotten a record if the Bills weren’t cowards. The 49ers injuries finally caught up with them as the Texans knocked them down a peg. Myles Garrett had a historic day against New England, getting 5 sacks, and yet none of them mattered because the Patriots are good. The Bucs beat up the Saints in a sloppy turnover fest, the Broncos shat on the Cowboys, and the Colts continued to put up historic-level offensive numbers.

The surprises were the Falcons laying an egg against Miami and the Bears ending their 4 game hot streak by losing to Snoop Huntley and the Ravens. Come on, Bears. You got served a gimme Ravens team and you flop it.

Steelers/Packers had the potential to be fun but it ended up being kinda dull. A close but uneventful first half gave way to a Packers dominated second half and everything ended with a whimper. Chiefs/Commies was even worse but at least it featured a bunch of funny turnovers and some quality Chiefs backyard ball.

GIANTS CORNER
–The Giants getting spanked as retribution for TNF two weeks ago was visible from space so I’m not even disappointed about that. This is why you don’t say “we’re so back” before one is actually back. Losing Skattebo for the season is the depressing part. If the Giants are going to suck is it too much to least have some fun? Why do you have to take that from me too? If Dart goes down I’m just not gonna watch them anymore this year.

So let’s instead spend this section talking about the worst call I’ve seen this entire year. The Refs were abysmal this game across the board, but the nadir of the game was on a Tush Push in the first half. The Eagles run the play, get the first down, but Hurts reaches the ball before he is down and Kayvon Thibodeux steals it from him and comes up with the recovery. Everyone who watched it, especially on replay, can plainly see the fumble/recovery. The play is called ended due to forward progress being stopped, and it cannot be reviewed. Horrible early whistle robbing a play of the true outcome. Wouldn’t be the first time, and it’s a crime every time. The real insult comes when FOX shows the actual real-time replay, which shows the ref blowing the whistle AFTER the fumble and recovery. So the refs aren’t even hamstrung by their own early whistle, they blew this outcome as completely as functionally possible.

This kind of failure without a contingency should not be possible. This, and anything like it, needs to be reviewable, challengeable. Refs are not perfect; we cannot expect them to be, and that is why challenges exist: as a way to hold outcomes and officials accountable. A whistle being blown too fast or a ref making an obvious whoopsie cannot simply be the end of it like that. Forward progress being stopped has long been a way for refs to weasel out of bad decisions. It shouldn’t be acceptable. The NFL has made every turnover and score automatically reviewed in the past decade and I don’t think anyone has a problem with that change. Refs have been taught to swallow their whistles longer on plays just to ensure potential turnovers do not get called dead too early. And yet on this play, when they didn’t even blow the whistle too early, the Giants still get screwed because they arbitrarily decided they wanted to call forward progress. Madness.

When the Tush Push inevitably gets reviewed for banning again this offseason this particular play is going to be the first slide in the presentation. I’ve been pro-tush push since the start and until this year I found every argument against it to be crybaby nonsense. But this year has a new argument that I find compelling: the refs cannot officiate it accurately. The Eagles are getting away with false starts, illegal formations, and now this fucking shit. It’s one thing to be good at a play. If a specific play is simply too hard to call correctly despite mounting evidence to show teams committing penalties and whatnot while using it, maybe the correct solution is to simply ban the play. If the Tush Push is finally banned (and this year makes it look likely), these officiating failures are going to be the thing that finally tush pushes it over the edge.

CHAOS OF THE WEEK
To be honest I had more fun watching Game 3 of the World series go into real sicko innings than I did watching any football game this weekend. Except maybe one. 

RIP Nick Mangold. The longtime Jets stalwart suddenly died this past week and we found out just hours before the Jets kickoff. The Jets rewarded him. But it wasn’t without significant effort. The Bengals went out to a hot start. Flacco was in Elite form. But Justin Fields was sick of the drama and he put out one of his best performances and helped lead the Jets to a late-game comeback victory for the ages. Aaron Glenn gets his first win, the Jets finally get to breathe, and the Bungles get punished for accidentally posting a 9/11 joke.

This game also has the honor of being the only single-possession game the entire week. Not the strongest week for chaos, huh.

 

CHAOTIC MOMENTS OF THE WEEK
–DENVER FAT GUY PICK. Good for Denver for embarassing the NFC 3 weeks in a row. This week didn’t even need a comeback!

THE VIBE CHECK
– Every time the vibes for Miami can not get worse…they dont! They save themselves from total annihilation with a pointless win. Good for them. It’s like coming out of a coma every 3 weeks right before they shut off your life support.
-The Giants Vibes are even worse now than they were entering the week! What fun!
-The Vikings are officially awful. I’m not sure McCarthy coming back is going to save them because it’s not like he played well before the injury. This might just be a lost year.
-This was a big get right week for the Chargers and Eagles, who slumped a bit the past few weeks and looked rough.

CACKLES OF THE WEEK
–Spencer Rattler throwing the most embarrassing pick 6 in years. He throws it directly at Anthony Nelson right in front of him, who blocks it, picks it, and then proceeds to stomp Rattler into the dirt before scoring just for good measure. Rattler should be benched for the rest of the year for being disrespected so badly.

BIG OOF OF THE WEEK
-Bo Nix starting the game off with some Bo Pix. An awful Bo Pix.
-Dillon Gabriel taking one of the worst safeties you will ever watch, just throwing the ball to nobody in the sideline for no reason.

CHAOS WATCH
–The Patriots remain on target to waltz into the playoffs with a high seed and get knocked out because they aren’t facing anyone good. But they are legitimately a good team, and I hate that for them.
-The Ravens are entering a soft spot of schedule as Lamar gets healthy. Watch out. They are gonna win some more games.

FRAUD WATCH
–The Falcons have won multiple games this season. I’m beginning to wonder how.
-The Panthers and Patriots both have inflated win records. The Patriots are actually a good team, but still frauds. The Panthers are more fraudulent.

SNUFF FILM OF THE WEEK
-Carolina taking the crowns this week for pathetic showing. Did you know Carolina is 4-4? They don’t feel like it. While Bryce Young was out due to injury so they have some excuse, I can’t imagine they would have done much better if he was in. This was Buffalo taking out its frustration.

 

DISAPPOINTMENT DUCK
–The Falcons beat the Bills and Commies this year. They have also been shut out by Carolina and now beaten by Miami, AT HOME. I cannot figure the Falcons out, but I think now I can safey call them bad.

 

MOST UNWATCHABLE TEAM OF THE WEEK
–Every time redzone switched to the Panthers game it was the Bills punching them in the face. This was another slaughter right in front of the home crowd.

 

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BETS FOR NEXT WEEK – Classic Sunday Comic Strips Week

TNF – RAVENS @ DOLPHINS
One of these two teams is going to be on a 2 game win streak. Can you believe it? Ravens.
If the Dolphins win, I will draw Tua as Heathcliff

49ERS @ GIANTS
If the Giants were fully healthy I might be able to buy a win here, especially after the 49ers struggled last week. But alas.
If the Giants win, I will draw Jaxson Dart as Calvin and hobbled Skattebo as Hobbes

CHARGERS @ TITANS
The Chargers slumped but they back on top, baby. The Titans are probably picking #1 overall a second year in a row, I cannot see how this team can win anything, their only win so far needed an epic Cardinals collapse.
If the Titans win, I will draw Cam Ward as Cathy

VIKINGS @ LIONS
The Vikings have a QB problem, but it honestly doesn’t matter who is back there when your offensive line is swiss cheese.
If the Vikings win, I will draw JJ McCarthy as Hagar the Horrible

FALCONS @ PATRIOTS
How funny would it be if the Patriots win this game 28-3
If the Falcons win, I will draw Bijan Robinson as Marmaduke

COLTS @ STEELERS
We can stop asking if the Colts will get exposed. They won’t. They are good.
If the Steelers win, I will draw various Steelers as the Peanuts cast

BRONCOS @ TEXANS
The Broncos are on a hell of a hot streak right now and I can’t see the Texans stopping it.
If the Texans win, I will draw Cow Tools

BEARS @ BENGALS
Battle of the teams that Blow It. I’ll go Bears, I think the Bengals defense is just too awful.
If the Bengals win, I will draw Joe Flacco as Garfield, Chase as Odie, and Ben Johnson as Jon

PANTHERS @ PACKERS
The Panthers were over .500 once. I hope you savored it while it was there.
If the Panthers win, I will draw Bryce Young as The Wizard of ID

SAINTS @ RAMS
Aww Shoughs.
If the Saints win, I will draw Spencer Rattler as Dagwood

JAGUARS @ RAIDERS
Okay Jaguars if you lose this you are frauds
If the Raiders win, I will draw Pete and Geno as Hi and Lois

CHIEFS @ BILLS
The regular season match between these two in this era has a tendency to go towards the Bills and the playoffs towards the Chiefs. So fuck it, Bills.
If the Chiefs win, I will draw Travis Kelce as a caveman from BC

SEAHAWKS @ COMMIES
Sam Darnold staying good has been a pleasant surprise this year. Good for him. Although…this is primetime. Stay strong, Sam.
If the Commies win, I will draw Deebo Samuel as Opus from Bloom County

MNF – CARDINALS @ COWBOYS
Who the fuck thought this would be a good matchup for primetime
If the Cardinals win, I will draw The Foxtrot cast

BYES – BROWNS, JETS, EAGLES, BUCS

A TIE
If we get a tie, I will draw For Better? Nope, For Worse