The USA lost to Belgium and we exit another World Cup empty handed, just like always. America caught Soccer Fever, but thankfully it was easily remedied with a few antibiotics and the symptoms should clear up if they haven’t already. There may be some lingering Tim Howard infatuation, but it will pass. The worst of the symptoms have passed, such as scarf wearing bros with bad haircuts littering our parks with pickup games of soccer pretending like they know what they are doing and the terrible bandwagoners plastering soccer memes all over social media despite few of them even being able to name a player on the team. By the time the finals hit America will be back to normal, chattering about football news and complaining about that Obama guy. Hey Obama, your presidency has so far been below my expectations, pick it up you bum.

Also, as a side note…does the World Cup trophy creep anyone else out? The weird almost organic design of the bottom half makes me think it looks like an H.R.Geiger designed Alien Egg.