I find it really funny that both Steph Curry and Cam Newton were both chokers and lost in spectacular fashion in their respective championships. In late 2015 a big deal was being made about how the two of them are buddies. Presumably because Steph spent his childhood in Charlotte watching his dad play for the Hornets, and Cam Newton is now the face of North Carolina sports.

Both players became MVPs by leading their teams to historic seasons. Both were hyped to an insane degree over the course of their seasons. Cam Newton is the new face of football. Steph Curry is the new face of basketball. Both are Under Armour spokesmen. Although there are differences. Cam is a gigantic freak of nature, closer to Lebron, while Curry has pretty much become a household name by being “the everyman”, because he’s relatively small and dorky and has a cute kid. Also he has a terrible beard. Seriously. PSA TO ATHLETES: PUBIC HAIR GOATEES ARE BAD. STOP GROWING THEM.

But they both flamed out when it mattered. Cam was broken by the Broncos defensive line. Steph didn’t look like himself throughout the entire playoffs. I know he got hurt, but he seemed to look fine physically as time went on. He played just terribly in the final game. Now both of these stars are sad puppies and the schadenfreude is delightful. I like Cam a lot but seeing the Panthers and the bandwagon get knocked down a peg was fun.  I don’t like Steph much. It’s kind of an irrational hate. I just hate his face, his pube beard, and his dad shoes.

His damn Dad Shoes. Under Armour must be in a panic. They released the MVP’s newest shoe line the day before game 5, presumably under the impression the Dubs would win and they’d rake in the sales. Instead twitter hounded the shoes mercilessly and the Dubs cracked and lost to the mighty Lebron, who is a Nike spokesman. Although actually, maybe UA are fine.  I still think the shoes look exactly like the plain white sneakers my mother has worn for 30 years. Good for my mom, not exactly the look you want for an NBA superstar.