Rich Eisen is a national treasure and his annual running of the 40 yard dash is a (slow) time honored tradition. I wish they’d let him do it in athletic wear for once, I really think he could shave some time off if he wasn’t wearing a suit. Give the man a chance. I want Rich to run fast enough that he manages to beat an official player’s time, because what a mark of shame would that be for a player to run his official combine slower than a 45 year old sports anchor. How amazing would it be to see one of those Eisen overlay shots with him actually BEATING a player. Of course, then we wouldn’t root for Rich Eisen anymore, because he’d no longer be the underdog.

This year Adidas added a new wrinkle to the NFL Combine. They offered an island, an actual island, to anyone who could break Chris Johnson’s 40 yard dash record of 4.24 seconds while wearing one of their new signature shoes. Washington Wide Receiver John Ross actually did it. He went out and ran a 4.22. Problem is, he wore a Nike shoe. When people saw that Ross actually set a new record, everyone got excited, and Adidas, who probably thought no one was actually going to beat it in the first place, was like “Um…so about that” and now Adidas looks like an asshole and Nike just swooped in and stole the glory, and Ross, for a deal. Adidas, you played yourself.

An island seems like a weird thing to offer a player anyway. Why not just offer a sweet shoe deal? Or a car? A house? Something a little more useful.

Anyway I made this entire comic because I was really proud of the Rich Eisland Pun. Would you go to Rich Eisland? It would be mostly bare (bald, if you will). There would be a tilt-a-whirl called “Spin Center”. There would be a casino where you could win big and go home RICH eisland. The island jail would be called No Fun Land. Everyone has to wear a suit and sponsored sneakers. If you happen to get anything in your eye, don’t worry, just use one of the many Rich Eyestations to clean up that cornea. If you are willing to pay extra there is a pirate boat tour captained by Rich himself called the AY AYsen, Captain. What? you don’t like these puns? I guess beauty is in the Eisen of the beholder.