At this point everyone has more or less made this joke already, including myself. I made this comic more or less so that when I go back through my archive years from now, I remember this moment. The moment when an NFL player got busted for white collar crime. Like…that happened. We finally got one. Mychal Kendricks you are a pioneer.

Seriously. Think about it. How often do NFL players get in trouble? Often enough. What are the causes? DUIs. Drugs. Steroids. Domestic abuse/violence. Sexual assault. Assault of some other nature. Something with guns involved. ACTUAL MURDER. How often do we get white collar crimes like insider trading? That’s stuffy white people business crime! That’s a crime for suits, not uniforms! This never happens! Maybe it happens post-NFL to some players, but I can’t think of an example and I’d never expect it to happen to a current player. Mychal Kendricks, I want to be mad at you, but I’m honestly just kind of proud. Thank you for proving that NFL meatheads can break through stereotypes and be evil in other ways.

Seriously for all I can recall, we have more players somehow directly involved in murder cases (Hernandez, Rae Carruth, Ray Lewis) than white collar stuff. Who says the newest generations are dumber? This man looked at the NFL landscape, looked at his pocketbook, and decided to make bank both on and off the field. The balls on this guy. Now apparently he wasn’t very good at it since he got caught and was apparently pretty brazen about it. But still! Insider Trading! Mychal Kendricks is the Martha Stewart of the NFL. Soon he’ll be out of prison making cooking shows with Snoop. Can’t wait.

So shame on you, Kendricks. Be a better person. But thank you for proving that NFL players are smart enough to do crime other than the typical stereotypes. Thank you for breaking this glass ceiling. I look forward to finding out Russell Wilson funnels money into offshore bank accounts soon.

To everyone who is inevitably going to ask WHERE IS THE NEXT MONEY COMIC DAVE settle down. Like 3 dudes got mad bank this week, gonna require some time to plan that one out.