Merry Christmas To All and To All Screw Philly
MERRY CHRISTMAS READERS. Thank you so much for reading The Draw Play. I love you. I would kiss you, but that might make it weird. Let’s keep it normal.
I came up with this idea in July and it sat on a notepad on my phone for months because I just had to use it when the time was right, and that is today, on Christmas Eve 2016. Say it with me fam, Fuck Da Eagles. Screw them Eagles. Those Eagles are bad. I hate them. Boooo. Boo the Eagles. It is your duty as an American to boo the Philadelphia Eagles. When I was at home for Thanksgiving this year, my dad sat down during a game with the Eagles and out of the blue said “I hate the Eagles more than any other team” and in that moment I have never been more proud to be his son. The Eagles are bad and poopy. Poopy birds. Birds that not only poop everywhere, but are made of poop, and then they poop in the air and swoop down so that they can eat their own poop. Pooples.
Do you like the Eagles? I’m sorry. I shouldn’t make fun of you. It wasn’t your fault. You were probably born into it, or latched on when they were good (but never good enough) back around the turn of the century. You may never win a Super Bowl (god willing) but this is your fandom and you have chosen it. Just know that you are poopy and you like poop birds that poop and eat their own poop. Philly Cheesesteaks are overrated greaseballs, you built a statue of a movie character because none of your actual sports heroes are worth it. You have the liberty bell, a bell that is mostly known for not being very well made. You were once the Capital City of The United States, but they moved you, because ewww. Ben Franklin was a big thing in Philly, but he didn’t even get to be president. Loser.