Are you confused? Read yesterday’s comic, we got a week of Dez Bryant name puns!

I don’t know if I’ve ever actually finished a game of monopoly. Is it possible to finish Monopoly? The few times I’ve tried basically one person got off to a good start and basically…well started to earn a monopoly of the board. But not quite fast enough, so the game lingered on as the rest of us slowly crumbled trying to claim a railroad or one of the mediocre spots. We watched as our business slowly crumbled and bank accounts dwindled, and we slowly gave up and did something else so we didn’t have to think about it anymore and just accepted our sad fate. As I type this I realize maybe we did play monopoly correctly.

Did anyone else take all the hotels and houses and set up little fake neighborhoods then drive the car piece through them? Or blow up the neighborhood with other toys? I liked to have my lego men rampage the town. Or make the doggy piece drive the car? The Thimble wore the hat piece really well. I never knew what to do with the iron though. I’m not sure why Monopoly had an iron piece anyway. Actually, why did it have a battleship? Or a thimble? None of these things seem to fit the theme. That game was dumb. Life was better. Then I could have tragic car crashes and pretend that life was fantastic because every turn made me write the great american novel or something equally bullshit. Plus the spinner was fun to play with and if you took it apart it looked like a UFO. I also set up big fake battles with my Risk pieces instead of play that game correctly.

Please tell me I wasn’t the only person who did this I’m beginning to think I was weird.