Congrats to LSU! It was briefly in doubt for part of that game but then they turned into the team I presume they were all year and defeated Football Thor. Human Walnut coach O got his big win. Happy for the Tigers. Joe Burrow set the single season TD record and looked very much like the #1 overall pick he probably deserves to be. Hooray! I was rooting for LSU mostly because I like their uniforms and also Clemson won more recently.

I mostly just wanted to poke fun of the fact that now he’s going to the Bengals and that will probably suck as the Bengals are a mess. Unlike the tanking teams the Bengals were trying to win last year for a time and that didn’t work out. I would not be thrilled at the idea of going to work for notorious cheapo Mike Brown. Sucks for Joe! Maybe he’ll be good enough. We don’t know. Might be fun to see.

That was really all I had for this until we got the real story of the win. MORE OBJ DRAMA BABY!

OBJ, former LSU player and notorious attention seeker, did an exceptionally OBJ thing after the win. He went around handing out cash money to the players. Okay! That’s stupid and weird but like…whatever? He was clearly happy for the dudes and wanted to celebrate in his own way. OBJ is kinda weird but that seems harmless to me. If he wants to make it rain on LSU players then why the fuck should I care? Well…NCAA sanctions. Because of course.

The NCAA is such a bunch of fucks and they are the fun police and their rules for amateur athletes are insane. There is a very real possibility that LSU will get punished because under NCAA rules, these athletes are not allowed to accept any gifts/bribes/etc and oh my god the NCAA can go fuck itself with a rusty garden rake. I’m actually not one of those people who demands the NCAA must pay the players. I’d be fine with it if they did pay the players, but I’m not one of those who thinks this is a must. What I hate about the NCAA rules is everything else related to that. I hate that players can’t accept gifts. I hate that players can’t make any money from autographs or merchandise. I hate that they get nothing from promotions or sales that the school uses to promote them. If you don’t want to pay the players directly…fine. But let them make money from themselves. They are a brand in college football. They are worth something. They should be allowed to cash in on that. The fact that a coach can’t take a player out to lunch at McDonalds one day without that being an NCAA violation that could cost them a scholarship and damage the school’s reputation. That is so fucking absurd. I want to meet everyone in charge of deciding these policies and everyone who defends them and punch all of them square in the dick. Fuck the NCAA.

LSU just completed a dominant season. Burrow finished a year for the ages. Let the team fucking celebrate their accomplishments. Let OBJ give them straight cash homey. It does nothing to devalue the sport. Who gives a flying fuck outside these crusty old purists who have a financial interest in keeping the system how it is. They can eat it. Let the kids party.

Unrelated, OBJ apparently also slapped a police officer’s butt during the party and apparently now there is an arrest warrant out for him because of that. So that’s a thing too!

Ending note: I don’t plan on making a comic about Luke Kuechly retiring. I found that mostly depressing, so if you were waiting for a comic about that, don’t hold out hope. My thoughts on the matter are basically this: well that sucks, he must have some major life altering risk if he keeps playing so he made a tough decision. Sad to see him go, glad he’s taking care of himself, wish him the best.