Farewell OBJ’s Career, you were so young
Ladies and Gentlemen, we are gathered here today to mourn one of the most promising young athletes of his generation. Odell Beckham Jr, or OBJ, as he liked to be called (Sort of, he also likes ODB? Who knows what he wanted us to say), was a young man with heaps of talent and potential until he was tragically taken from us by a Kardashian.
Beckham wow’d us at LSU, he amazed us with the Giants. We all remember his famous catch. The catch that launched a thousand memes and quite possibly the biggest hype machine of the past season. Love him or hate him, it was impossible to deny the young man’s talent and everyone had a secret opinion on his hair. He made the Madden cover in his first season, and didn’t slow down at all, proving the curse as false. This was a man we could admire. A talent teams would fear. A temper Panthers would ignite. It’s an absolute shame it had to end so quickly, so tragically.
Beckham would want us to remember the good times. The anger Giants fans had towards him when he sat out 4 games his rookie year with a hamstring issue, before he came onto the field and turned their annoyance to something they would masturbate to on lonely nights. He would want us to remember his catch. His incredibly complex and bizarre touchdown dance. His other catch. That one toe drag against the Dolphins that I’m still flabbergasted by. This is how we should remember Beckham. The fire in his eyes may have gone out, but it will remain in our hearts. If you are up there, Odell, I know you’ll catch anything the lord almighty can throw at you, even a burrito so hot he cannot eat.
I would like to implore everyone here today to please, donate to our charity, the Kure Kardashian fund. Too many talented people are taken by Kardashians each year. This is a plague that we must stop. Your proceeds can make a difference.