CARTOON PICKS WEEK 9 – The Steelers Almost Get Trapped
I was driving back from a doctor’s appointment on Friday and listening to a local Portland sports radio station. They were discussing the upcoming games, analyzing which teams looked the best, who is in the lead for awards, and the like. They started talking about Mike Tomlin as a coach of the year candidate. This made me smile. Tomlin is a good coach, but the reason this team is winning is because their incredible defense is no longer trying to prop up Mason Rudolph. They then said something that made me almost blow through a red light because I was too busy laughing. They said “Yeah, I think Tomlin deserves coach of the year, because they are always prepared”.
I will take this moment to link this old comic of mine.
Kind of like how Andy Reid’s greatest nemesis as a coach is the clock, Tomlin’s greatest weakness as a coach is bad teams on the road. It is unbelievable how often the Steelers have played down to opponents under Tomlin. Not even all of them are losses, but almost all of them are embarrassing. How many amazing Steelers seasons have been ruined by a random-ass loss to the Jets or Jaguars? How many seeds in the playoffs have they just lost out on because they ate shit against a team they should have blown out? It feels like without these embarrassing losses and Big Ben injuries, the Steelers probably could have had a Patriots-esque run of dominance over the past two decades. Ben injuries are a bigger part of that, but we can’t rule out the dumb stuff like this.
ANYWAY I finally picked a Raiders game right. Thank god those Chargers can’t catch a break, or a game winning TD. Those uniforms were absolute fire though.
Daniel Jones proved me right and beat Washington again! Our team has such low standards of success that when he took a terrible sack at the end of the game and didn’t fumble the ball, the announcers literally praised it. Look, Giants fans, this is good! He didn’t drop the ball after he was blind to horrible 3rd down pressure! This team is pathetic. At least we won’t win another game and just have to count on the Jags pulling off a win to sneak back into the #2 draft slot. I’m also happy for Logan Ryan getting the game INT after his heartwarming week of news.
The Bears are trash on offense. I think the only time the Bears have ever had a good offense was that one season under Jay Cutler, and the games when Sexy Rexy was on target. I feel like Chicago is doomed to always suck on offense while having a good defense.
The Vikings and Falcons are being very irritating and now winning games when I had finally just written them off. I’m going to have to go back at the end of the year and find out which teams I picked wrong the most, besides the Raiders. It also looks like I now officially have to take the Dolphins seriously.
Lastly, holy moly was it satisfying to see Tom Brady and the AB redemption game go so horribly wrong. Thank you, Saints. That 4th down across-body lame duck Tom threw while scrambling was maybe the worst throw I’ve ever seen him make.
Anyway another week where I sucked ass. These middle season weeks are the worst.
COLTS @ TITANS
Titans bounced back! Colts are a good team, but I don’t think they are a great team. This should be close, but I gotta roll with my boy Henry.
If the Colts win, I will draw Philip Rivers Centaur stomping on Ryan Tannehill
TEXANS @ BROWNS
This is the make or break game for the Browns season, I believe. This is a Texans team that is mediocre at best. If the Browns are gonna reach the playoffs, this is the kind of game they have to win, especially to keep pace in the AFCN. So here we are, Browns. You win this winnable game, you stay in the conversation. You lose this game, we might have to write you off.
If the Texans win, I will draw Walrus Romeo Crennel eating the Brownie
TEAM @ LIONS
Gotta keep believing in the chaos theory. The Lions will win this one and the NFCE will continue to toil.
If the TEAM wins, I will draw Alex Smith hugging a W for the first time in ages.
BUCS @ PANTHERS
I do not think the Bucs are as bad as they looked against the Saints. That was clearly just one of those anomaly blowouts that happens from time to time, and the Saints clearly had that game circled on the calendar. The Bucs will bounce back, but the Panthers will continue putting up a fight.
If the Panthers win, I will draw Teddy Bridgewater selling us the TB5 method
EAGLES @ GIANTS
The Eagles beat the Giants like the Giants beat the TEAM. Carson Wentz is supremely generous with the ball, except to the Giants. I have no idea why this team has our number, but they do.
If the Giants win, I will draw Daniel Jones as Indiana Jones
JAGUARS @ PACKERS
Yikes!
If the Jaguars win, I will draw Jake Luton, Duval Hero
BILLS @ CARDINALS
The Cardinals are alright and the Bills got back on track. I genuinely have no idea who to pick here, so I flipped a coin and went Bills.
If the Cardinals win, I will draw Josh Allen stuck on a cactus
CHARGERS @ DOLPHINS
The Dolphins are legit. The Chargers will obviously continue to Charger. I’m starting to wonder if the Chargers don’t have any fans because they’ve all died from heartbreak and heart attack.
If the Chargers win, I will draw Justin Herbert electrifying a pool with a dolphin in it
BRONCOS @ RAIDERS
Maybe my Raiders luck will turn around. This is a game they should definitely win.
If the Broncos win, I will draw Drew Lock dancing on the Raiders Roomba
SEAHAWKS @ RAMS
The Hawks defense is agonizingly bad for the first time in ages, but I still don’t believe in the Rams.
If the Rams win, I will draw Aaron Donald rubbing his ass on a 12 jersey
BENGALS @ STEELERS
Now we enter the game of “which lesser team will the Steelers choke up a loss against? I can’t pick against the Steelers, but I have to wonder when it will happen.
If the Bengals win, I will draw the Bengals activating their Trap Game card
49ERS @ SAINTS
The 49ers are kind of depressing to watch. You can see the team that reached the Super Bowl is still in there, but they are just so utterly gutted by injury. The Saints appear to be back on the menu for the NFCS title.
If the 49ers win, I will draw sexy Jimmy prospector in Mardi Gras fashion
RAVENS @ PATRIOTS
The Patriots gotta win this game if they want to convince me they ain’t a pile of shit.
If the Patriots win, I will draw Cam Newton cradling his son, Lamar Jackson
VIKINGS @ BEARS
The Bears and the Vikings, two teams I love to get wrong. There is no way this ends well for me.
If the Vikings win, I will draw viking Kirk Cousins with a bear skin coat
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Joe Biden isn’t good enough, but man it felt good to finally get a W after so long. Don’t let yourself get complacent and stop fighting, but it’s okay to celebrate for the first time in a while.
—
Tom Brady using the tuck rule for his pants. So many upsets in general. The only reason I was happy that the teams I was cheering for lost, was because I knew you would draw about it. I was pulling for Denver because I really like Drew Lock. My favorite player right now is Drew Lock. My college football team is a disappointment. Guess who it is.
Just a heads up, you said you picked the Bills, but it shows you picked the Cardinals. You also didn’t underline the Dolphins or Chargers, though you picked the Dolphins.
That Falcon pooping on BoJohn Elway is the best thing I’ve seen in awhile!
Don’t be afraid of slow change. Weathering may take years but it can’t be undone.
Let Biden work. You do too much too quickly, and the voter may freak out and you risk Trump 2: Trump Harder in 2024.
meanwhile fuckin VOTE in the senate runoffs if you live in georgia
YES
I would if I could and I’m a Moderate Republican. We dethroned the Orange. Now, the Evil Turtle is next!
word son
donate if you can
gasenate.com
Trump is trying to take it to the supreme court. It’s not official yet.
The court cases so far that are ongoing are about if people should count ballots delivered between 8 PM November 3rd and 5 PM November 6th, which amount to about 53,000. However, only 50% of those were for Biden, and Trump needs 45,000 votes and counting to flip it. Even if he gets his case in his favor, there is a bigger chance that it won’t actually do anything to Pennsylvania.
Unless he gets the GOP to completely undermine the rule of law… it’s pretty much official. If you want a 30 minute blow by blow explaining why with specific statements and evidence, I highly recommend Legal Eagle:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ha7iWECm_8E
Spoiler Alert: Trump isn’t trying to win the election, he’s just pulling one of his usual distractions from something more nefarious. My guess is he’s either trying to pull attention away from the fact that he’s grifting people with his election defense fund that goes towards his financial debts, or something else. The question is… what is that something else? =/
Rape. It is most definitely rape.
it was weird seeing the ravens being bet against but does it feel so sweet
Lamar looks so devious but not too devious
Did Old Brady pee himself or is that a shadow?
Yes
I don’t know if you mean “Biden isn’t god enough” as in he will be a terrible president, which I disagree with. Or as in just winning the White House isn’t enough to fix everything, which I WHOLEHEARTEDLY agree with.
Good, I meant good. Sheesh.
I think he meant the latter, or possibly that we could have done better than Biden but the first step was putting in someone who could beat Trump, which is true even though he will probably be at least a decent president.
def the latter
in all frankness getting Biden elected was the easy part
the work that comes next is the hard part
The Giants/Team game was a mess of two teams trying to lose. I’m glad the Giants got a 2nd win and it wouldn’t have been as close without the Engram drops & big OPI. He did catch a TD, but we’d have at least two more wins without him this year.
Truth. Unfortunately, we’d also probably have about 5-6 more wins if we didn’t have Daniel Jones at QB this year. I had high hopes for him, but if he doesn’t start showing improvement, I’m done with him. His career is best summed up as an 80 yard run where he inexplicably falls over 6 yards shy of the endzone. =(
The Steelers are in a really weird spot at this point in the season. I know this will sound strange, but (speaking from experience here) their fans should be hoping they drop a game or two at some point this season. There’s just too much pressure behind trying to go undefeated, and I’m sure any Patriots fan will tell you that they’d be more than willing to trade 18-1 with no ring for 18-1 WITH a ring, if it meant losing in the regular season.
With that being said, who the Steelers lose to does matter. It looks really bad to barely squeak out a win against the likes of a 2-6 Dallas team with some no name off the street playing QB, and you don’t want to see them lose to anyone at that level. However, the rest of their schedule is a joke outside of two games (Buffalo and Baltimore again at home). And, that late in the season, you really don’t want to see them start dropping tough games against good teams. It’s sort of a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation, and that has to be agonizing for Steelers fans even though they’re the last unbeaten team.
What’s even worse is that they still have a pretty big incentive to keep winning. Kansas City (as weak as they’ve looked at times) is still right on their tail, and there’s no telling when they’ll lose again. With the new playoff format only having one bye week, it makes those late games all the more important, and means that Pittsburgh has every reason to keep winning, even if it means doing the unthinkable.
That’s AAF Orland Apollos all star Garrett Gilbert to you. Put some respect on the name
I tried putting respect on Pitt Legend, Ben “Gucci” DiNucci’s name and you saw what happened. Not making that mistake again.
Given the size of Kyler Murray in that comic, he’s what… 5 or 6 feet above the dolphin?
Wait a minute… THE SUN IS FALLING
Oh dear lord that Steelers Cowboys game probably went exactly how Steelers fans were predicting. A way to close game then everyone was expecting and heart attacks all around. Bless the knees can’t loss Ben
When you (undefeated) almost get beaten by some rando AAF All-Star drafted in the same year as Jimmy Garropolo
Ah the Panthers curse strikes again. This team gives me hope, then rapidly takes it away. But hey, at least CMC is back.
Umm, not to poop in your Froot Loops, but CMC injured his shoulder vs the Chiefs and may be out a while…
tom brady looks like he peed himself